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Access Denied
There’s a barbed wire fence 
 Entangled around my heart 
 Making it impossible to let anyone in
 Protecting my heart from bursting 
 From an overload of heartbreaks and letdowns
 
 I’m hesitant to love anybody
 Because I don’t want to break
 My heart will always be split in two 
 Permanently damaged by 
 Demeaning words and battle scars
 
 There was an invisible line 
 Dividing that house, step over it 
 And you were shot and stabbed by 
 Slurred words and sleepy responses
 
 Living with him was a constant battle 
 Forever depressed and disappointed 
 I have the battle scars all over my body
 They’re internal, disguised by
 Smiles and forced laughter
 
 My heart is locked up tight
 Armed guards protect me 
 From him approaching the gates
 I wish he would just realize 
  That access has been denied
 
 He lost the key the key the second
 He decided to choose the drugs
 Over being a father, he made his choice
 
 Now he pretends to care
 When he had us he abused his authority 
 Being crowned a father is a privilege
 That he will never earn
 
 I will not break the way he did 
 He fell so hard, hit rock bottom
 With no one to help him out of 
  The grave he was digging for himself
 
 It was like watching someone 
 Slowly take their own life, willingly
 I wish I could get rid of those images
 But they fuel me, make me stronger
 
 My heart can’t possibly break 
 When it was never whole in the first place
 I internalize the pain, lock it away 
 But I don’t cry on the outside anymore
 
 My heart is fragile, lightweight
 I hate to tell him, he didn’t break my heart 
 Just fractured it, he knocked me down 
 But I will stand up again, I always do
 
 If he ever comes knocking on my door
 His daughter wants absolutely nothing
 To do with him, I have better things to do 
 More important people to see and he 
 Is no longer one of them
 Because of a selfish decision
 That will haunt him for the rest of his life

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