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Stars and Boulevards
July 22, 2013
've spent my whole life
running and I don't know what from.
Perhaps, from this small town
that everyone claims to hate,
yet no one ever leaves
and I stick around to
manufacture my own disaster.
I have a heart, science told me so,
but my head is a terrible place to be.
I can let go or be dragged,
but there's no place or no one
mine enough to fight for
and I'm just a silly girl
walking down stars and boulevards
and waiting for her happy ending.
Will you still love me in the morning,
when all the pretty lies take off
their masks and unveil ugly truths.
Life isn't kind. Why should you be?
© Brooke S., Indianapolis, IN
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION
This article has 7 comments.
StarlitSunrise DIAMOND said...
on Aug. 7 2013 at 9:15 pm
Ooh, this is quite dark. I really do like it, though. You raised some interesting points. I absolutely love the lines “I have a heart, science told me so, // but my head is a terrible place to be.”. Your rhythm was natural without being repetitive, and I think each concept flowed very nicely into the next. Good work!
kikixkupkake GOLD said...
on Aug. 4 2013 at 7:11 pm
This poem flows very nicely even if it doesn't make entire sense to me. Maybe that's because everyone's work can be interpreted in different ways, and there's just so many ways here for me to choose from... Hey, of I don't entirely get it, it must be good! Also, I LOOOOOVED the line, "I have a heart, science told me so, but my head is a terrible place to be." This poem could have been just that much better if it rhymed! I'm really impressed with your work.
RozaAlexander said...
on Jul. 30 2013 at 11:34 pm
Its good, an relatable topic that alot of people can understand, now it might not be written in the easiest format to understand but i do get the meaning.
laceandcoffee PLATINUM said...
on Jul. 26 2013 at 9:46 pm
I really enjoyed the beginning of the poem, but from "I have a hear' on, it begins to get a bit random. The whole forum is also really confusing. I like the idea of the poem and I think it has a lot of potential considering it's a very relatable poem, but I think it needs to be revised.
BlackbeltJames GOLD said...
on Jul. 26 2013 at 9:46 am
Although the theme is there and the telling of it is there, the poem does not make it easy to understand. Some parts are confusing, or the sentence is a bit peculiar in the way that it is not direct enough to have the reader fully understand it at first glance. For example when you said "I can let go or be dragged, but theres no place or no one mine enough to fight for..." that sentence does not particularly make a lot of sence to me, I think there may be a few mistakes there. Another mistake is at the very beginning, I'm presuming it is meant to say 'I've'.
The ideas are strong and your description is good, but it just needs a little tweeking, keep it up.
The ideas are strong and your description is good, but it just needs a little tweeking, keep it up.
WriteOrWrong BRONZE said...
on Jul. 25 2013 at 11:27 pm
I can really relate to this. Suburban bubble. I feel like there are so many great things going on but they're clouded by things that could be worded better or in a less casual/ explicit way. Also I'm not crazy about the last line, 'life isn't kind. Why should you be?' I love so much about this though like how people always talk about not wanting to stay but never get around to leaving, the part about science and hearts, and the stars and boulevards. Great job, keep it up!
