I found a spider in my shower this morning
And I panicked,
I killed it,
I smashed it with a shampoo bottle
Over and over again,
I beat the life out of it,
I cried as I washed its tiny, broken body down the drain
Horrified at what I had done,
I never meant to hurt it,
I never meant to hurt you either
But you told me that you loved me
And I panicked,
Everyone can see that you are a box
Marked ‘fragile, handle with care’
And that scared me,
The only other heart I’ve ever been responsible for
I massacred,
I took a razor blade to it,
I cut it out of my chest and dissected it
Like a science fair project,
Testing the hypothesis of
Why does it hurt so much?
I offered it up to the first person to look my way,
Begging them to judge me and tell me that
I wasn’t the most pathetic experiment in the room,
I came in last place anyway,
I didn’t want that to happen to you
I didn’t want to see myself tear you open
And then stitch you back together like that
I didn’t want you to become
The monster to my Frankenstein,
And I know you cant stand the sight of me anymore
But I also know
That you are out there somewhere with someone
Who does not kill spiders
Or flinch away from your kindness
Or break nice girls hearts on purpose,
I know that you’re happy,
For what its worth
I’m sorry,
For what its worth,
I love you too.