Woke up to a cold world
I’m barely able to reach
Out for the new day
Woke up, choked up
It’s a brand new day
Woke up, choked up
It’s a brand new day

The first time I tried reaching out
I was a child hoping to touch the ceiling
And catch that feeling that the giants felt
While I was a little scampering imp
Bound to the ground
They were Atlases
They were like actors and actresses
They were an uproar
I was barely a sound
I wanted to feel invincible when I touched it
I wanted to shed the mere title
Of baby child with the cute smile
I wanted to touch that ceiling
Like if I didn’t, my fate would be sealed and
I’d be a weak, meek, feeble kid
For the rest of my life unable to reach my dreams
I’d be a pawn in a world of kings and queens
Like if I didn’t, I’d never be one of the big kids
I wouldn’t ever be a hero fit to protect civilians
So with my tiny hand opened, arm extended
I reached, so close, yet so far…

The next time I tried reaching out
I was an adolescent, so pretty much still a child
Rebellious, pseudo-angelic
A wild being, easily riled, with no sense of style
I saw the most beautiful girl that I had ever seen
I swear to God she stopped my heartbeat
Snapped it back like an elastic
And it started pumping like a goddamn machine
I wanted to feel how cursive her hair was
When she first wakes up
And lose my fingers in the labyrinth of locks
I wanted to hear her first thoughts
Baby ideas nurtured into conversations
Overcoming my own somnolent orations
I wanted a little taste of her lips
Like if they were wine I’d take little sips until I was drunk
Until everything became a blur, buzz, and a hum
And the only sound resonating was the word love
I wanted to reach out to her
Like if I didn’t I would be condemning myself to hell
Because I let a little piece of heaven slip away
A mix of sun rays and light rain
Like if I didn’t, I’d never find true happiness
And I’d be alone for God knows how long
Writing my wrongs and trying to be strong
So with my tiny heart opened, smile widening
I reached, so far, yet so close…


Soon enough I found myself reaching out again
But not for a physical form
I reached for a reason to go on and wake up
To move on and stay up
I deeply needed to reach out for help
I wanted someone to glue together the shards
Of a heart marred, scarred, filled with marks
A heart now blackened with tar
I reached for the little joys I could find
To silence the noise I’d hear all the time
In the confines of my mind
Like you are not meant to be alive
Look at all the others that have died
That should have been you instead
You should be dead, kid
I reached for excuses to assure myself
That it’s okay to fail every once in a while
That I can’t be perfect
And it’s normal if sometimes I’m a nervous wreck
I reached for the belief that I was placed upon this earth
To do something great, to take away the ache from another
To rebuild society and encourage variety
Because people are special and should all unite
And care for one another
I reached for anything and everything
To make myself certain that I was meant to occupy space
That even if I’m behind last place, I’ll be fine on black days
That I’ll pour my heart out and won’t hit the backspace
Because keeping my emotions in
Is like pouring water in a cracked vase

And so I try to reach to you now
You’re so close
Yet so far away