Is it possible to have so many things wrong and not know that all along I was drowning?
Is it possible to have my vision blurred and hearing dampened because I was drowning?
Is it possible to have the light fading and breath taken from me because you I drowning?
Is it possible to have the pressure covering and swallowing me up as I sink deeper and deeper because I was drowning?
Is it possible to have the pressure pushing me down and pushing me down inescapably?
Is it possible to have the pressure sink me, but I didn’t realize it until I had sunk.

Not until my feet touched the course sand at the bottom of the water did I realize that I was drowning.
Not until my feet touched the course sand at the bottom of the water did I realize the power of the pressure.
Not until my feet touched the course sand at the bottom of the water did I realize that I had let myself sink.
Not until my feet touched the course sand at the bottom of the water did I realize that I had let myself drown.
Not until my feet touched the course sand at the bottom of the water did I realize that I had one last breath, one last look, and one last motion to save myself and work against the pressure.

So I used my one last breath, one last look and one last motion to go in one direction, up.
So I used my last to have many more firsts.
So I used my last to not be my last.

I let myself drown.
I let my feet touch the course sand at the bottom of the water.
I let myself have a last breath.

I will never drown again.
I won’t let it be possible to drown and not know it.
I won’t let my feet touch the course sand at the bottom of the water.
I won’t have another last until, truly, it is my last.

What’s worst part?
The worst part is that I…
I jumped in.
Now, I’m swimming up.