Love Poem | Teen Ink

Love Poem

March 4, 2014
By StarlitSunrise DIAMOND, Clemmons, North Carolina
StarlitSunrise DIAMOND, Clemmons, North Carolina
56 articles 0 photos 253 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Blessed are they who see beautiful things in humble places where other people see nothing." ~Camille Pissarro


I hope it's nice where you are
All I really want to do
Is spend as much time with you as socially acceptable
I hope love is something like this



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This article has 2 comments.


leafy said...
on Mar. 21 2014 at 6:29 pm
leafy, City, Other
0 articles 0 photos 682 comments

Favorite Quote:
Gil: I would like you to read my novel and get your opinion. 
Ernest Hemingway: I hate it. 
Gil: You haven't even read it yet. 
Ernest Hemingway: If it's bad, I'll hate it. If it's good, then I'll be envious and hate it even more. You don't want the opinion of another writer. 

Aw I guess paragraph breaks don't work for commenting on articles...sorry about that format

leafy said...
on Mar. 21 2014 at 6:28 pm
leafy, City, Other
0 articles 0 photos 682 comments

Favorite Quote:
Gil: I would like you to read my novel and get your opinion. 
Ernest Hemingway: I hate it. 
Gil: You haven't even read it yet. 
Ernest Hemingway: If it's bad, I'll hate it. If it's good, then I'll be envious and hate it even more. You don't want the opinion of another writer. 

First: nitpicky me wonders why the first letters of the second and third lines are capitalized if the other lines (that don't start with "I") are not. Also, IMO, while I don't think poetry should always require correct punctuation, I think in this case it might help with the flow of the poem. You don't have to, but maybe you could experiment with periods/commas/&c and see if that helps with the rhythm?   Anyway, I enjoyed the poem---short and sweet. I loved how you ended the last line with a simple "this," leaving whatever "this" was to be open-ended to whatever s/he believes love to be like, rather than to try to explain something as inexplicable as love itself. Like, I really liked that, and I wouldn't have thought of ending a poem like that.   As I read this, my mind kinda split the poem into three sections: the first line, then the next three lines, and then the last two lines. Although I love a short poem, have you considered expanding the poem some to develop the connections between the three 'sections'? Again, it's good either way, but maybe you could see what happens if you experiment with it some more. Also, I don't know how old this poem is, so you may have already done that :)   Overall, a worthwhile read!   Completely off-topic: if you do see this comment, I just wanted to let you know that if you're still interested (and we certainly hope you are ^_^), the planning for Book Three of A:HOE has begun in the Roleplay forum. Hope to see you there!