Guilt | Teen Ink

Guilt

April 7, 2014
By WickedDreamer PLATINUM, Salem, Other
WickedDreamer PLATINUM, Salem, Other
30 articles 0 photos 28 comments

Favorite Quote:
The legacy you leave is the one you live


I am an internal dismay,
Found among the debris of his soul;
Unable to hide in the anorak of marvel,
I hinder the fragile mind and forsake the loner
Not letting him slumber, but disappear off gaiety.

Being the rationale for his wrong,
but not one for the right,
I kill his conscience
And let him see the dark sides of his spirit.
I lead him to the “Pleasure-free zone”
but that pass- is just the one he earned!

I know, I know, I am the one who troubles;
But if he could be a sound learner,
I could be the best lesson he learnt-
The lesson he’d never forget learning from.

There’s yet something good about me!
I could give him back all that he ruined,
and never let him lose the riches he gained!


The author's comments:
Every person is guilty in some point of time in life. This is a personification of one's 'Guilt' that speaks the facts about itself.

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This article has 5 comments.


on Aug. 20 2014 at 11:40 am
Trace.C.Schuelke PLATINUM, Oshkosh, Wisconsin
26 articles 0 photos 22 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Secrets are secrets for a reason, and some do not wish to see them uncovered. Especially when the secrets are particularly unseemly..."

This piece definitely has an entrancing, almost mythic vibe to it, and will certainly captivate readers in its language and thematic feel. However, the overuse of dialect in the opening can also be detrimental for the reader. Washing a piece in copious amounts of advanced language (at least without rhythm or flow to it) will, in most cases, will wash out the purpose or meaning with it. The stanza no longer has the feeling it should, instead, it just has words. So I would perhaps go back through and revise, not to dumb down your piece, but to make it more accessible for readers while also adding rhythm and flow. It could end up as something marvelous then.

on Apr. 11 2014 at 3:38 pm
living_in_grey, Baltimore, Maryland
0 articles 0 photos 8 comments
i really enjoyed reading this! great job!

on Apr. 9 2014 at 1:55 pm
Nerdydragon SILVER, Wichita, Kansas
9 articles 14 photos 24 comments

Favorite Quote:
“Demons run when a good man goes to war
Night will fall and drown the sun
When a good man goes to war

Friendship dies and true love lies
Night will fall and the dark will rise
When a good man goes to war

Demons run, but count the cost
The battle's won, but the child is lost”
― Steven Moffat

Very nice, I liked it! :)

on Apr. 9 2014 at 9:20 am
Roy.M.Hunter GOLD, Lamar, South Carolina
18 articles 0 photos 10 comments

Favorite Quote:
"sticks & stones may break my bones, but words can't hurt me."

Your poem was awsome,I loved it.

on Apr. 9 2014 at 7:33 am
skydancer666 GOLD, West Babylon, New York
10 articles 0 photos 28 comments

Favorite Quote:
on my own i am clumsy ..... but on your shoulders i am free to be me

i like this keep up the good work and i really can relate to this =)