Whether it’s a silver chain around your neck
Or a dead weight in your pocket
Dangling lightly at your chest
Or so heavy you just might drop it
We’re all carrying something
Volatile, risky, and dangerous
Secrets threatening to strangle us
They lie in our hearts late at night
In the cold sweat keeping us awake
Breath drawn in like ice on a frosted winter’s day
You try hard to speak, but nothing comes up
Waiting to break the surface but no, you’ve had enough

No more hiding, no more circles
No more lies and no more hurdles knocking me down
Tripping me up so I hit the ground
Hard as it is
What it’s not is another excuse to merely walk around
All that’s been holding me back
Standing in the way like I had to ask
Permission to get through
Wait my turn to move on
Turn these shackles into something new
Leave the rest of the world long gone
I wish….
I can only ever wish, ‘cause a scar like this
It doesn’t change over night
Maybe it won’t even heal with the passage of time
I might be baggage laden forever to remind me
Of what I’ve lost
But never stopped
Holding onto, all I want to do
Is cry and scream, swing my fist
Lament my lost and broken dreams
But I can’t
There’s not a moment I have to myself
Not a chance
Not one to collect myself once more
Remember what it is I’m fighting for
Before the panic comes to beckon
A thousand faces in a matter of seconds
Meeting happy situations with a death wish
The word confusion doesn’t even cover it
You say you want me just to let you in?
Knock down the walls that don’t exist
And try to tell you just exactly where I’ve been?
Oh my dear, tell me, where do I begin?
Well let’s see, we’ll start big
My soul, it’s split right down the middle
Problems that seemed so big become little
In the eyes of anyone else who doesn’t know
How do I show them the explosions going off in my head?
When peaceful yellow turns red?
In an instant, all control is lost and instead I’m left
In a mess of needle and thread
But nothing connects
Please tell me what’s next


Tell me honestly
Is any of this clear?
Tell me exactly what it is you fear the most
Looking me in the eyes or shaking hands with my ghost?
I’m saying to you plainly, this is who I am for now
Take me or leave me, it’s your choice
Just be thankful that you still have your voice
Mine was locked away long ago
Behind a medicine cabinet and a diag-
“No, sis, you’ve got to move on with this
It’s far too complicated
For your simple understanding
So I suggest we just take it from the top and try this one last time
Breathe
One and two equals three
A and B precede C…”
“NO I’M SICK OF THIS, WHY WON’T YOU JUST LISTEN TO ME?!”
For the last time I’m telling you I might never get better
And it scares the hell out of me
And that’s why I’m writing you this terrifying, un-rhyming letter
Because I’m scared
I’m scared
Just please, take a chance
Dare to help me
Dare to try
Dare to tell me that my heart is still beating
That I’m still alive
Cause that’s anything and everything in the world to me
To be
Fully
Humanified