I'm Just Hurt | Teen Ink

I'm Just Hurt

April 17, 2014
By AliyahBrown BRONZE, Lindenwold, New Jersey
AliyahBrown BRONZE, Lindenwold, New Jersey
1 article 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you don't like something; change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude; don't complain." - Mya Angelou


My Passion is aggression.



3,4,5 “POP, POP” flies out the bullets of the gun, reaching deep into my soul, trying to destroy everything that I’ve worked hard to become.



H-U-R-T, hurt has been my best friend throughout what it seems like a trillion years filled with pain. Not because I'm angry, even though I have a reason to be.



Yeah she’s pretty, yeah she’s cool, but I bet you didn’t even notice that she’s heartbroken, lonely, yet NOT infuriated. But for why aint I? Cause I refuse to give attention to the non-sense, I aint blinded. Got four eyes, and a bright future, to start looking at everything behind me.



Yeah there’s blackouts, and many different thoughts. Too bad it was never my fault, yet I have always been the one to blame when it comes to you. I’m just a young girl with big dreams that no one believes I can accomplish, and it makes it even worse when you not here to support me, because you supposed to be able to see right through me, like the mirror that you brought me, more so the mirror you created, which built who I was, and I pray every night, that one day I can walk away from it. It’s been a month since you saw me, nah you can’t even call me. And that’s unforgivable, cause I’m miserable without you. I cry cause I want you, too bad I can’t have you. There goes heartbreak number… I can even count.



A mother is a woman who has raised a child, given birth to a child, and/or supplied the egg to conform the child. Well you birthed 7, and got none. Daughters with anger management, and that son of a gun Autism caught you youngest son. But Hey! And to think that you even care. You aint nothing but the egg donor, not a mother. Feelings are left in the middle of the street, pedestrians, and drivers continuously, and intentionally hitting and stepping, and just squishing them! You minds well say they never existed.



Nah I aint Mad, I’m Just Hurt



I was always told that love was forever, guess not. But it all came crashing down just when you forgot to love me, hold me, cry with me, kiss me, and tuck me in. Feel for me like I’m your daughter, not your long lost friend.



Not the girl who sleeping with your baby’s daddy, nor the girl who sliced your arm like a piece of cheese, nor the girl who you claim as ya' “friend”, and for sure not the girl who put your life on freeze.



Nah I Aint Mad, I’m Just Hurt.



I want you to feel my pain and see how long you can live. I’d be damned if I told that I gave two sh...See Ima just watch my mouth cause the people who raised me would be very disappointed, something you could never say cause you weren’t there!



Who supposed to show me and your other 3 daughters how to be good women? How to survive? And how to NOT make the same selfish mistakes you did? Guess we gotta leave it up to God, cause you turnin’ up, clubbing, partying, barhopping, fighting, having sex with many different men at many different hours of the night, revealing your insecurities as a woman. One of them consistently raising his hand in order to black your left eye, you think it’ll only be there temporarily, but his purpose is to scar it forever! And you let him! And on the other hand, you had his babies, thought that would do some good, whap, whap again, you closed your mouth as you should...NOT. You didn’t fight for yourself, just like you didn’t fight for your kids.



What was so good about a man who put his hands on you, who couldn’t keep a job, who LET you turn on your family! He couldn’t even keep his sanity for the life of him, when all you continued to do was cater to him.




Nah I Aint Mad, I’m Just Hurt.



Over and over again I would cry your name. “Mommy, mommy please come home!” But you didn't listen, and now you in this phase of your 2nd oldest daughter saying “I told you so” and you're so in denial about what you’ve done in the dark, that you avoiding the light. We all sat and struggled growing up while you lived “the” life probably denying you even had kids, even though everyone knew you was built of lies, which makes you less of a woman that you are, and will ever be.



I can’t keep smiling, like everythings okay

If you not gonna stick around, just please stay away.

You have those eyes, and I’m sure you can see,

That I have the shadow reflecting on what you could never be.

My Passion is Aggression. My mind and heart is quickly alert.



Nah I Aint Mad, Mama I’m Just Hurt.


The author's comments:
I wrote this completely from the heart. It's a true story.

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This article has 11 comments.


on Jun. 22 2014 at 12:44 pm
AliyahBrown BRONZE, Lindenwold, New Jersey
1 article 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you don't like something; change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude; don't complain." - Mya Angelou

Thank you very much

on Jun. 22 2014 at 12:42 pm
AliyahBrown BRONZE, Lindenwold, New Jersey
1 article 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you don't like something; change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude; don't complain." - Mya Angelou

Thank you so much

on Apr. 26 2014 at 9:02 pm
gave me chills. great work

troytyler said...
on Apr. 26 2014 at 9:01 pm
great work. amazingg work. extravagant work. you are really bright. i could feel all the emotions. keep up the great work

on Apr. 21 2014 at 7:48 pm
AliyahBrown BRONZE, Lindenwold, New Jersey
1 article 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you don't like something; change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude; don't complain." - Mya Angelou

Thanks. & The Gun Part was basically reffering to how bad it hurts. I've never been shot lol. It was more so a hidden comparison to my pain. But thank you foryour feedback.

Lucifer666 said...
on Apr. 21 2014 at 7:16 pm
Lucifer666, Hell, Other
0 articles 0 photos 63 comments
Your opening, is a great line, "My Passion is aggression." That caught my attention, along with your title. In all honesty, I thought this was goiing to be about self harm, and other morbidities, but you proved me wrong. The topic is quite morbid, but it burns with... I can't fathom words to accurately describe it. Though, later in the intro, when the narator is being shot I presume, I'm tryinh to figure out how it led up to that point.You, went above average with your creativity, obviously as the narrators character shows. You embedded an accent unique and throughout the piece, making it unprecedented, unlike anything I've read before. While I was reading this, I found the story intriguing, and you made it seem as real to the reader as it is to you (presuming this happened to you) This seems more like a ballad, or ode, than a freeverse poem, but to each his own. Your details, are impeccable, they flow smoothly along with the narrator's character and the reader can truly imagine the situation that is being displayed in this writing. This... Is eztremely wel written, its emotional, powerful, and nevertheless... A true story. You did an exce)lent job, writing this. But to satisfy my curiosity, what happened in the beginning, leading up to the narrator being shot, and did this happen to you? Great closing. 

huckyduck said...
on Apr. 21 2014 at 12:53 pm
Aliyah you're such a smart girl to take a negative and put a positive spin on it. Keep writing, there's so much talent in your words. People make mistakes, but to do it seven times over, shame shame shame. Her loss, your gain.

lovelife said...
on Apr. 21 2014 at 9:54 am
Young lady, you are so brave and geniune. I truly admire your candidness. You have become the center of my earnest prayer for healing for Yo' soul. The Bible says He is a father to the fatherless and a mother to the motherless. I am praying for peace for your hurt and increased passion for life inspite of your setbacks. Look into that mirror again and see what God sees, you are His child and the reflection should be the one that resembles HIM!   

on Apr. 21 2014 at 9:17 am
Castiels.Freaking.Trenchcoat SILVER, Columbiana, Ohio
9 articles 7 photos 66 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Family don't end with blood, boy." ~Bobby (Supernatural)

No problem! 

on Apr. 21 2014 at 9:16 am
AliyahBrown BRONZE, Lindenwold, New Jersey
1 article 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you don't like something; change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude; don't complain." - Mya Angelou

Thank you soo much.

on Apr. 21 2014 at 9:11 am
Castiels.Freaking.Trenchcoat SILVER, Columbiana, Ohio
9 articles 7 photos 66 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Family don't end with blood, boy." ~Bobby (Supernatural)

I truely loved this! Great work! (: