One Day | Teen Ink

One Day

June 16, 2014
By Vallichor SILVER, Bloomington, Indiana
Vallichor SILVER, Bloomington, Indiana
7 articles 0 photos 31 comments

Favorite Quote:
Everyone goes through hardships, we just have different stories.


Every night
"How are you doing?"
Concerned questions,
wonders filling my head.
Asking, but not answering.
Hoping, but not fulfilling.
Thinking that all might be okay,
just for at least one day.
Loading...
"I did it again."
Hesitated confessions,
self-loathing consuming.
Answering, but not explaining.
Hopeless, but always hoping.
Thinking that all might be okay,
just for at least one day.



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This article has 16 comments.


on Aug. 25 2014 at 5:25 pm
BThomas1313 SILVER, Vanceburg, Kentucky
5 articles 0 photos 23 comments

Favorite Quote:
"There are much greater things ahead than any we might leave behind" ~C.S. Lewis

I can also relate to this poem! I really like the paradoxes and how it really does sound like an Interent conversation

Mckay ELITE said...
on Aug. 19 2014 at 5:46 pm
Mckay ELITE, Somewhere, Virginia
146 articles 0 photos 2230 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do."
—Apple’s “Think Different” commercial, 1997
“Crazy people are considered mad by the rest of the society only because their intelligence isn't understood.”
― Weihui Zhou

I like the back and forth of the paradoxes in your poem. Good ending as well. 

on Aug. 17 2014 at 12:10 pm
Vallichor SILVER, Bloomington, Indiana
7 articles 0 photos 31 comments

Favorite Quote:
Everyone goes through hardships, we just have different stories.

Thank you so much! It always makes me happy when someone can relate to my work.

on Aug. 17 2014 at 12:08 pm
Vallichor SILVER, Bloomington, Indiana
7 articles 0 photos 31 comments

Favorite Quote:
Everyone goes through hardships, we just have different stories.

I might as well as explain the poem, since you were confused on some parts of it. This poem is about me and one of my online friends who is going through a rough time. I always ask her how she's doing, though I fear her answer. The 'loading' part represents the await of her her reply. The secont part of the poem represents my online friend. Thank you for the feedback though, I'll see what I can do with it! And I may rename it 'Hopelessly Hopeful'.

Longlegs GOLD said...
on Aug. 17 2014 at 9:16 am
Longlegs GOLD, Greeneville, Tennessee
16 articles 0 photos 84 comments
Your poem is leaking with creativity. You used interesting words and used them well. Some things to work on, perhaps? 1) The title does not seem to connect to the poem very well. Maybe you could change the title to something like "Hopelessly Hoping". Just a suggestion.      2) Half the poem (until verse 8) is about one idea. The other half of the poem is about something else I don't quite understand. I suggest you either turn the second part of the poem into a different stanza or delete it altogether. 3) The second part is repeating the first. "Hoping, but not fulfilling ; Hopeless, but always hoping." Perhaps you can unite those two lines together in someway so that you do not have to completely drop the idea of the second stanza? 4) Perhaps delete "Loading..."? Because I don't see what it is there for.   These are just some areas to consider working on. Other than that, your poem is very well-written and thought-provoking. Thought-provoking, especially. Very few poems make me think as much as your poem did. I hope my critique was helpful. I'm sorry if I sounded harsh. And remember that you don't have to do everything I said. It's your poem, you're the author, and you get to decide what you will do.

on Aug. 16 2014 at 7:48 pm
Vallichor SILVER, Bloomington, Indiana
7 articles 0 photos 31 comments

Favorite Quote:
Everyone goes through hardships, we just have different stories.

I understand that you might not connect with the poem, since the poem itself was written from specific events from my life. Thank you for the feedback though!

on Aug. 16 2014 at 3:23 pm
BrightBurningCampeador PLATINUM, Portland, Oregon
42 articles 11 photos 333 comments
I like the sound and rhythm of this poem. It's got great form. But I just have a hard time making a connection with the content. It's a beautiful poem, but in sort of a remote way, for me at least. Of course, there's nothing wrong with that.

on Jun. 29 2014 at 9:09 pm
Gabrielleamar GOLD, New York, New York
11 articles 16 photos 20 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Le vent se lève il faut tanter de vivre" –Paul Valèry

Wow I could totally relate to this beautiful poem! Remarkable talent in placing words. You write simply yet profoundly and you succeed in expressing your emotions ever so delicately in the greatest fashion possible. Well done!

Hanban12 ELITE said...
on Jun. 29 2014 at 2:16 pm
Hanban12 ELITE, Lake Worth, Florida
133 articles 7 photos 631 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put foundations under them."
Henry David Thoreau

"I fell in love the way you fall asleep; slowly, and then all at once."
John Green

This is a beautiful poem! I absolutely love this line: "Hopeless, but always hoping." I think many can relate to this, and your word choice is phenomenal! Well done!

on Jun. 28 2014 at 3:11 pm
Vallichor SILVER, Bloomington, Indiana
7 articles 0 photos 31 comments

Favorite Quote:
Everyone goes through hardships, we just have different stories.

Thank you so much! :)

on Jun. 27 2014 at 10:10 pm
SabrinaFaire SILVER, Odenville, Alabama
5 articles 0 photos 32 comments

Favorite Quote:
"You aren't going to impose the patriarchal paradigm on ME." Alaska Young

I love how it gives you the numb feeling along with the words! Love the diction!

on Jun. 27 2014 at 9:41 pm
TevyRae PLATINUM, Pittsfield, Pennsylvania
24 articles 7 photos 80 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Here is a small fact: You are going to die." ~The Book Thief
"You have no stupidity inside of your adorable little self." ~Mikey Pasterik

WOW. i'm blown away. This is a brilliant poem. absolutely beautiful. i love everything about it. Not a single thing i would change. wonderful job!

on Jun. 26 2014 at 12:18 pm
Vallichor SILVER, Bloomington, Indiana
7 articles 0 photos 31 comments

Favorite Quote:
Everyone goes through hardships, we just have different stories.

Thank you so much! I really appreciate the feedback. :)

on Jun. 25 2014 at 2:28 pm
WinterRose76 SILVER, Ok., Florida
6 articles 6 photos 183 comments

Favorite Quote:
Arise and be all that you dream - Flyleaf

You're a fantastic writer! I love your style of writing - it makes the reader pay close attention. I found it to be very interesting and splendidly written! Great job!

on Jun. 20 2014 at 6:58 pm
Vallichor SILVER, Bloomington, Indiana
7 articles 0 photos 31 comments

Favorite Quote:
Everyone goes through hardships, we just have different stories.

Thank you! I've always loved to write, though I've only started to write poetry. I appreciate you taking your time and giving me feedback!

HudaZav SILVER said...
on Jun. 20 2014 at 4:44 pm
HudaZav SILVER, Toronto, Other
8 articles 6 photos 390 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Nothing is impossible; the word itself says 'I'm possible'!" -Audrey Hepburn

Very nice job! I'm surprised youre new to writing poetry, because this piece was very professional and well done