I spend so much time,
so much wasted time,
trying to find myself,
to build myself.

I sit
and ask myself
the same question,
again and again,
“Who am I?”

But I’m never satisfied,
always frustrated.
Knowledge is the answer,
and I am clueless.

I can imitate anything,
but I maintain nothing.

Acquaintance:
She’s generous,
so willing to help
and share
and teach.

But it’s a facade.
I am so selfish,
and smug,
taking everything,
secrets,
and laughs
from you,
because I do not want
the ones I already have.
So greedy.


Friend:
She’s funny.
Her mouth opens,
and out spews humor.
Her jokes are a marathon-- never ending
and she’s the perfect runner.

Only I haven’t prepared,
not in the slightest.
I’m so lazy.
I just waste
and waste time,
thinking of nothing and everything,
while life passes by.
I always look for something easy,
something to deflect reality,
so I fake most laughs
and sometimes manage,
in the rarest moments,
an honest and true laugh.

Family:
She intelligent,
but sometimes I worry
that life is consuming her.
She’s so different.
Cruel,
blocking everyone out.
How can she stand to be so alone?

Everything is so hard,
and I try,
please believe me,
but life is consuming
and I’m afraid
of being eaten.

I spend so much time,
so much wasted time,
comparing myself to others
and trying to become like them
in the hopes of being happy.
But it’s useless,
because I still sit
and ask myself
the same question
again and again,
“Who am I?”
yet I am forever struck dumb,
infinitely clueless.