i think theres something poetic about drinking the pain away.
theres a kind of pleasure in it
or at least thinking about it

that need to feel yourself drowning in something other than pointless s***
you've wanted to stop feeling but cant seem to stop feeling.

that desire for fire to course through your veins fueling something besides
useless brain activity that doesn't make anything better.

that lust for loss of control, to lose responsibility for all of your actions if only for a moment
because in that moment you can finally risk saying it all

letting every word pour form your lungs like vomit
letting every curse fly like punches to the gut
letting every ounce of feeling one could possibly have go in one final moment of glory before pitching oneself off the nearest cliff

too scared to face reality even in its most demented form.

I’ve never wanted to drink the pain away before this moment,
before you introduced yourself,
before you said hi to me of your own free will,
before you showed me your favorite tv show,
before you looked me in the eye and I wasn’t afraid to be myself.

before you met my family,
before you stopped texting first,
before your favorite tv show ended,
before you stopped looking me in the eye.

Never before.
But now?

Let me drown.