Death Bed. | Teen Ink

Death Bed.

November 13, 2014
By Abi-street GOLD, Birmingham, Other
Abi-street GOLD, Birmingham, Other
17 articles 0 photos 27 comments

Favorite Quote:
Try to be a rainbow in someone’s cloud. - Maya Angelou


When the waves crash together,

creating bad stormy weather,

turning everything blue,

leaving me without a clue.

 

I can't stand up,

this is too tough,

the waves are rough,

oh, i'm out of luck.

 

The long battles begin,

they travel deep within,

hurting so much,

God, this is tough.

 

I ask, Why me?

but no reply,

i really wish, i wasn't,

born to die...

 

is this the fate,

of all human kind?

born to die,

oh, what a rhyme.



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This article has 6 comments.


on Nov. 21 2014 at 12:11 pm
Abi-street GOLD, Birmingham, Other
17 articles 0 photos 27 comments

Favorite Quote:
Try to be a rainbow in someone’s cloud. - Maya Angelou

thanks for the constructive critisism.. i'll surely use the advice .. :)

on Nov. 21 2014 at 12:09 pm
Abi-street GOLD, Birmingham, Other
17 articles 0 photos 27 comments

Favorite Quote:
Try to be a rainbow in someone’s cloud. - Maya Angelou

thank you so much :)

on Nov. 20 2014 at 11:37 am
ansem_unlimited PLATINUM, Frederick, Maryland
33 articles 0 photos 140 comments

Favorite Quote:
Thou may think of me as desired, to idolize or villanize me whichever you may choose. but gaze upon me and thou sall not see the husk of a man! for all my sins and all my bliss, i am anything but hollow <br /> -Ansem_Unlimited

though your ryhme schemes are fairly solid, there are alot of part where the phrasing doesn't really line up, like the line "I can't stand up" & "Oh, I'm out of luck" don't really match up as far as Syllables go making it a little less apealing to the ear, aside from that i'd put in a little more context, but you're on the right track!

on Nov. 17 2014 at 10:34 am
authoress17 SILVER, Evans City, Pennsylvania
9 articles 0 photos 62 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;If there is no such thing as magic...then what is writing?.&quot;-authoress17 (me)

Wow, that was great. You left the reader with something to think about. I really enjoyed this poem. Keep on writing.

on Nov. 17 2014 at 6:54 am
Abi-street GOLD, Birmingham, Other
17 articles 0 photos 27 comments

Favorite Quote:
Try to be a rainbow in someone&rsquo;s cloud. - Maya Angelou

thankyou :) and glad you liked it :)

on Nov. 16 2014 at 8:21 pm
Nightingale74 PLATINUM, Beavercreek, Ohio
46 articles 0 photos 152 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;When you need something to believe in, believe in yourself.&quot;<br /> &quot;A poem unwritten is only a thought; unshared, unsaid...&quot;

Hmm...yes that is an interesting question...it gave your poem a nice finishing touch :) And it left the reader with a mind full of thoughts to sort through and relish. Outstanding work Abi! And I loved your rhyme! ;)