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Poison
Sticks and stones can break your bones,
But words can never hurt you.
What a stupid thing to say.
All of the words I can remember have hurt me
In one way or another.
I can remember my mother telling me that I don't try.
It didn't have to be specific,
But it hurt me in such a way that
I stopped trying.
I stopped trying to reach my potention.
I stopped trying to find motivation.
I stopped trying to make my parents proud of me
Because it didn't matter anymore.
I stopped trying to include myself in the lives of others
And they didn't even notice.
They sat back and watched as I isolated myself from them
And ended up only hurting myself
Because then I felt that
I don't matter.
I don't matter in the lives of the people I call my friends.
My isolation is proof that no one wants me around anyways.
My isolation has trained me to think that
Spending time with others is
Uncomfortable and painful in the worst way possible.
My isolation taught me that it's okay to be alone
And to keep all the sad thoughts and feelings to myself
Because words can hurt me.
And this in turn taught me to keep my passions silent
And to not say a word to anyone about them,
Even if they share the same passion.
My isolation wrapped me in a blanket of sadness
As my silence sang a lullaby that fell onto my deaf ears
As nothing special
Because it had been sung to me so many times
That I started to sing it in front of my peers
And one by one they left me alone with
My isolation and My silence
Because who would want such a lonely girl for a friend?
No one.
Sticks and stones can break your bones,
But words can never hurt you.
With these sticks and stones I built a throne
And crowned myself the queen of loneliness.
And these words they say could never hurt
Burned themselves into my skin
And I tried to cut them out
And tried to cut the pain away
And for a while they'd be gone
But then they'd come back more painful than before
And I sti on my throne of loneliness with no one to talk to
With the cuts on my arms as they bleed out
The pain I can no longer bear.
Don't you people know that words are
The most painful thing out there?
I sit on my throne of loneliness
With My isolation and My silence
Because they're the only ones there
Nice enough to be there.
Finally I decide I've had enough.
I rip off my crown
And throw it to the other lonelies
Who have no desire to rule the lonely
Because it's all they've ever been
And it's everything that they don't want to be.
I shrug off my blanket of isolation
And I stop singing the lullaby of silence
And I cry out,
"Can't any of you see me?!"
"I can."
Says a soft voice to my right.
I turn and look and sure enough there he is,
The only thing I was missing.
Happiness.
He reaches out his hand to me,
And I reach out to take it,
But suddenly I'm yanked back
And I turn around and there's Silence holding onto my hand
And Isolation is not far behind.
And suddenly I'm in a nightmare
And I desperately want to wake up
But it's no use and I'm stuck with Silence on one hand
And Isolation on the other
And suddenly I realize that my oldest friends
Have always been there for me
And they never left
Even when I left them.
But I was never their friend.
I just don't understand how the two friends I've managed to keep
Could be the two friends that have hurt me the most
because they kept everyone away from me.
I don't understand how my oldest friends
Could make me want to die.
But suddenly it all makes sense
Because Silence kept me quiet
And Isolation blinded me
When someone held out their hand for me to take.
And they both kept my hands in their own
Just in case I decided to reach out into the void of lonely
And finally ifnd a hand attached to a friend
Who would help me out of the abusive relationships
With Silence and Isolation.
My Silence.
My Isolation.
It's all so twisted and it doesn't make sense
Because they persuaded me to listen to them
And to trust them
And believe in every single word they said.
They persuaded me to believe that I would always be
The Queen of Loneliness
And that I would forever be
On a throne of sticks and stones
That could break my bones.
Silene and Isolation spoke to me
With gentle tones and harsh words
To make me believe that it's okay to be by myself
And to say nothing.
Silence and Isolation convinced me
That it was always meant to be this way
And that I was never to find happiness in this world
Because happiness is a myth and a fantasy
That is always romanticized.
Every so often
Silence and Isolaiton
Invited Depression to join the party
Because there is no happiness
And there never will be.
Isolation is the cold blanket around my shoulders
I can never shrug off.
Silence is the lullaby that never ceases to stop
No matter where I am
Or what time of day it is.
Depression is the puppeteer
Who makes everyone believe that I am fine.
Depression is the one who
Forces my mouth into a smile
As I sit on a throne of sticks and stones
And announce to every Lonely
That this is the end!
This is the end.
This is the end.
And like an army of soldiers following orders
We climb to the roof of the tallest buildings we know
And we don't look back.
Not on our way up the stairs.
Not on our way through the entrance.
Not as we pass the one person
Who cares about us.
And we all jump.
Now the throne of Loneliness is empty.
The Kingdom of Loneliness stands still
As Silence sings a lullaby once again for the Lonelies
Who are no longer there.
But there are no more Lonelies
And therefore no reason to sing.
And shortly thereafter
Silence and Isolation capture another
And make them believe that they were meant
To rule the Kingdom of Loneliness
Just as they made me believe.
The Kingdom of Loneliness stands empty no more
As thousands of Lonelies file in
As if they had been there their whole lives
Because that's what Silence and Isolation want them to think.
Little do they know that they've drunk the poison that I once drank
That made me stop trying in the first place.
Sticks and stones have never broken my bones,
But words have always hurt me.
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