Contemplation | Teen Ink

Contemplation

February 26, 2015
By joebro SILVER, Compton, California
joebro SILVER, Compton, California
9 articles 0 photos 27 comments

Favorite Quote:
Dreams are like a box of chocolates, if you hold on and think about them for to long it will all start to melt away.


She said she got mad doubt in me which hurts foreal

if i start to think about it too much it'll start to kill

me inside everyday i ask why i do the things i do before i cry

yea i know you getting tired of me and im trying to change

so we can remain close and i wont have to love you from a distant range

cause i need your trust and full respect and honesty

without you there isn't going to be a me

so witht that being said i just want tolet you know i love you

if you willing to work this out lemme know you do

but if not just reply with another f*** you



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This article has 4 comments.


joebro SILVER said...
on Mar. 10 2015 at 11:02 pm
joebro SILVER, Compton, California
9 articles 0 photos 27 comments

Favorite Quote:
Dreams are like a box of chocolates, if you hold on and think about them for to long it will all start to melt away.

@Hannahg thank you very much

joebro SILVER said...
on Mar. 4 2015 at 11:22 am
joebro SILVER, Compton, California
9 articles 0 photos 27 comments

Favorite Quote:
Dreams are like a box of chocolates, if you hold on and think about them for to long it will all start to melt away.

thank you for commenting i'm going to take what you're saying into serious consideration

Mckay ELITE said...
on Mar. 3 2015 at 9:44 pm
Mckay ELITE, Somewhere, Virginia
146 articles 0 photos 2260 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do."
—Apple’s “Think Different” commercial, 1997
“Crazy people are considered mad by the rest of the society only because their intelligence isn't understood.”
― Weihui Zhou

I feel that there's an intense emotion you're trying to convey through this piece. However, I will say that it's hard to achieve that with your grammatical and misspelling errors. Personally, I don't have a problem with your lowercase format, or with the missing apostrophes in your contractions, though in some cases that does cause a problem. Nonetheless, there were sometimes in your poem, where you didn't space out your words, such as "foreal" for "for real", "tolet" for "to let". I advise that before you submit an article that you carefully edit any misspelling errors, first of all. (Trust me, it happens to everyone: I have a couple of poems with misspellings. But you reduce this happening if you edit first.) I would substitute another word for "mad" in "mad doubt". Seems out of place. Good start. Just polish it up some more.

Hannahg said...
on Mar. 2 2015 at 8:29 pm
Hannahg, Spirit Lake, Iowa
0 articles 0 photos 7 comments
I really like how this ends