Father forgive me for I have sinned
When the future comes too soon I look in the mirror and see beauty squirm
It all fell apart before I could prepare myself
This feeling is like being pushed under water before I could take a breath

I have gone my own way and not put you at the center of my life
May is closing and I am quivering because everything feels like thorns digging into my scalp
What I have learned this year is to never rely on anybody
Because every single person will let you fall, skin your knees on the concrete

My secret and my whispering sins
It’s too much to say this really and I apologize for putting this on you as if you give a single s*** but sometimes I wish I was dead and sometimes I stare at an orange box cutter in my hand and I weigh out the pros and cons on a little chart I have made in my mind

Forgive the sins which I know, and the sins which I know not
Because you see hands that should not be touching are pushing and yanking at me and it’s all so evil and so wrong
Last August I could have never foreseen absolutely anything, any of this
I was walking into a storm but I swear to God the sun was shining as I entered

O lord, forgive them all of Thy great goodness
The sunset comes and June is lingering right around the corner
I am gasping but only breathing in water, salt filling up my throat as my crown bleeds
Blood swirling softly in the water

And if I die I’d like to die in May
Before I can see everything I’ve built up crumble into itself
My grave is at the bottom of the fifth month

Amen