My Voice | Teen Ink

My Voice

March 11, 2015
the-tears-im-crying-dont-deserve-you PLATINUM, Batesville, Indiana
32 articles 0 photos 38 comments

Favorite Quote:
love comes and goes,
just like the watter flows

How long,
How long must I keep the real me hidden,
Hidden from you,
You who force me to keep silent,
You who force me to have no voice,
How much longer must I keep this secret,
This secret that kills me too keep,
When I first realized I was different,
When I first thought of a girl that way,
And I got my first girlfriend,
When you found out about her,
Mom you told me I was confused,
That I just wanted a close friend,
Dad you told me to stop and be straight,
Or find myself a new home,
You both told me that if I didn’t stop I’d burn with Satan,
That it’s a sin,
That god hates gays, lesbians, and bisexuals,
Typical of you to try and scare it out of me,
By telling me I’d burn,
That I’d rot with Lucifer,
That I’m eternally damned,
You who thought you could make me change,
Change me into something I’m not,
Change me to be straight,
When really I’ll always be a little zigzagged,
Always like both sexes,
I lied through my teeth,
Told you I’d stop,
Told you I’d be straight,
When really I knew I’d never be able to change,
At that moment I knew I’d never please you,
Never satisfy you,
That you’ll never be proud of me,
I was 12 then,
I’m 18 now,
And I’m still the same person I was,
I’ve hidden it from you for 6 years now,
All the while keeping it quiet,
You told me god hates my kind,
But I’ve learned that god made us how he wanted,
That he loves all his children,
Am I not his child too,
He loves me just the way I am,
Even if I am bisexual,
I’ve found others that I liked through the years yes,
But they never liked me like that back,
But now I’ve found one,
One I like,
One that likes me too,
I think of her in that way yes,
I think of hugging her,
Of kissing her,
Of holding her hand,
Of holding her when she cries,
Of snugging and watching a movie with her,
I plan on going out with her,
And I plan on doing it soon,
I don’t care what you think,
Or how you feel,
There comes a point in life,
When I need to tell you to back off,
That I’m going to be me and live my life,
So go ahead and kick me out,
Put my stuff out on the curb,
Tell me I’m a disgrace to the family’s name,
Tell me you never want to see or speak to me again,
That’s just fine with me,
Because I’ll be free of my secret,
The secret that weighs on my shoulders,
That breaks my heart to keep from you,
Because I’ll be with her and be myself,
And not have to hide anymore,
Because you won’t be able to keep me quiet anymore,
I think it’s time for me to stand up for myself,
And who I am,
I’ll sit on the curb and smile,
Because I’ll know I’ve finally found it,
The thing that burns inside me,
The thing that helps me become myself,
The thing that helps me shed this falseness,
And I’ll sit on the curb and smile,
Because I’ll know I’ve found my voice.

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