I am five years old the first time I climb a tree.
I am five years old the first time I played soccer.
I am five years old the first time I make a mud pie.
I am five years old when I get my first bike.
I am five years old the first time my sister says she hates me.
I am five years old. I am a child. I am happy, I am growing, and I am loved. I am experiencing new things every day. I am letting others words roll off my back easily.
I am eight years old the first time I go camping.
I am eight years old the first time I ride a two-wheeled bike.
I am eight years old the first time I bake.
I am eight years old the first time I read.
I am eight years old the first time I beat my brothers in a basketball game.
I am eight years old the first time my mother tells me I’m fat.
I am eight years old. I am growing, I am changing, and I am learning something new all the time. I am trying to be happy.
I am 11 years old the first time my brothers say I can’t play because im a girl.
I am 11 years old the first time my mother teaches me how to sew.
I am 11 years old the first time I fly a kite.
I am 11 years old the first time I write a poem.
I am 11 years old the first time I see Wall-e.
I am 11 years old the first night I fall asleep without my dad home.
I am 11 years old the first time my brother says the divorce is my fault.
I am 11 years old the first time I skip a meal.
I am 11 years old the first time I consider running away from home.
I am a tween. I am confused. I am sad, though I try not to be. I am changing. I am scared of change. I am trying to believe I am loved.

I am 13 years old the first time I break a bone.
I am 13 years old the first time I have a birthday party.
I am 13 years old the first time my father says he’s getting remarried.
I am 13 years old the first time I cut myself.
I am 13 years old the first time I think of suicide.
I am 13 years old the first time I stop praying.
I am 13 years old. I am supposed to still be a child. I am trying to grow and learn and experience new things. I am 13 and I am playing mediator between my parents. I am 13 and I can’t get happy.
I am 16 years old the first time I try to kill myself.
I am 16
I am still a child
I am a child who hates my life
I am a child who thinks it would be easier to die than to live
I am a child who can’t remember the last time I smiled
I am a child who can’t wear a bikini, because rather than cut on my arms I choose my stomach.
I am a child who can’t take it anymore.
I am 16 when I look at the picture of my brothers and I at the beach.
I am 16 when my little brother knocks on my door asking me to play with him.
I am 16 when I eat ice cream again for the first time in 3 years.
I am 16 when my brother and I play soccer with each other.
I am 17 when I stop counting calories.
I am 17 when I stop cutting myself routinely.
I am 17 when I get straight A’s.
I am 17 when I go to another country.
I am 17 when I start my senior year.
I am a child who suddenly feels like the whole world is at my fingertips.
I am 18 when I learn how to make a ceramic pot.
I am 18 when I get my driver’s license.
I am 18 when I graduate.
I am no longer a child, but I have the child-like belief that I can do anything.
I am no longer a child, but I am happy.
I am no longer a child, and I still have hard days.
I am no longer a child, yet there are days when my veins scream to be opened.
I am no longer a child, but there are days when I can’t eat.
I am no longer a hurting child, but I am freer.
I am not a child, yet not an adult.
I am healing.
And this is recovery.