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whichever way you go(the past)
Someone falls
they stumble
their knees break
their fall
and the sharp
angle of the steps
does not hold their weight
in the wake of their seemingly
blurred vision
they are boneless
round as a pumpkin
crashing into the scratchy carpet
their nose cracks and sprays blood
everywhere
sloshing the mud brown carpet
their nose has been brokena record four times
in the past
their hair is slick
damp black curls
pasted to a high wrinkled
dented forehead
the bleary hazel eyes roll
back in their sockets
the lips are dry , cracked from dehydration
their words are nonsensicalgibberish to the untrained ear
their body spasms
clothing is cut
the pale stomach
like the white underbellyof a fish is exposed
the sticky circular pads
are placed on the chest area
a shock rolls through
like a clap of thunder
come on breathebreathebreathe
everyone is chorusing in a heady rush
consumed by worry
i wonder what your family would say
your sister with her worry lines
would stand off to the side
biting her lips down to the quick
your mother would just about have a stroke
your father would be very brusque with
everyone and not move out of the way
until you woke up
your other sister would stand by your head
i knew what we said though, i know what we saw.
your icy-eyed estranged daughter was cool about the whole exchange after the paramedics left and you were transportedaway
in a flash of lights
your daughter came up and examined the room
with her frosty, dis attached expression
like i will not let this bother me
even though you could see the painin her body language
she looked so small
in comparison to the puddles of blood
on the faux tiled floor
she worried about me
even though i was struck by guilt
over you
even though you had made a bad decision
i knew what you had taken
before everyone else did
and I said nothing about it
until the issue became life-threatening
then I blabbed the whole truth to the world
and in doing so felt like I had broken your trust
in the process
what would you say
if you were coherent
enough
to know that
I'd given up your secretthe one that I had always
promised no matter the circumstances
to always keep private
what other choice did I have?
You were unresponsive
they couldn't get a pulse
you almost died
and now you're gone
for good
there's no turning back
you could have gotten help
while it was around you
but instead you chose the pills
and for that
I don't know
if I have it in my heart
to ever forgive you
ever since you died
I will never be the same person again
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