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Tunnels

August 19, 2015
By Orabilis BRONZE, Little Ferry, New Jersey
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Orabilis BRONZE, Little Ferry, New Jersey
3 articles 0 photos 12 comments
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Will you, Will you,
Walk through the dark tunnel with me?
Don’t need to be a flashlight,
Barbara.
‘Cause
You with your ballerina toes
And me with my penguin feet
Can just tread in the dark.
And it’s alright
If you can’t rid of the thousands
And thousands
Of question marks in my head.
Just help me go the tunnel,
My friend.

© Jaime M., Wichita Falls, TX

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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 9 comments.

Orabilis BRONZE said...
on Sep. 3 2015 at 1:05 pm
Orabilis BRONZE, Little Ferry, New Jersey
3 articles 0 photos 12 comments
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thank you, dear
Hanban12 ELITE said...
on Sep. 1 2015 at 10:05 pm
Hanban12 ELITE, Lake Worth, Florida
133 articles 7 photos 631 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put foundations under them.&quot;<br /> Henry David Thoreau<br /> <br /> &quot;I fell in love the way you fall asleep; slowly, and then all at once.&quot;<br /> John Green

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I really like the concept of this poem, and I really think it has a ton of potential. I especially like the part where you are comparing feet; it's a nice piece of imagery. I also like the line: "Don't need to be a flashlight, Barbara." It just gives the reader a sort of personal connection to you, the writer. However, if I can offer some friendly constructive criticism, the ending is a bit weak, and leaves the reader with a bunch of questions, which can be frustrating. I think you can definitely make this better with some minor tweaking. Overall though, great job with it, and never stop writing! :)
HammadWaseem said...
on Sep. 1 2015 at 7:37 am
HammadWaseem, Lahore, Other
0 articles 5 photos 283 comments

Favorite Quote:
Be proud of who you are.<br /> -Eminem<br /> <br /> You can&#039;t see me<br /> -John Cena<br /> <br /> Ooh, somebody stop me!<br /> -Mask

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Thats awesome! @Orabilis btw will you rate and comment on my teen ink video named "The Unbeatable Breakdancer"? :)
Orabilis BRONZE said...
on Aug. 31 2015 at 6:43 pm
Orabilis BRONZE, Little Ferry, New Jersey
3 articles 0 photos 12 comments
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Thank you and congrats on making it onto the magazine!
Orabilis BRONZE said...
on Aug. 31 2015 at 6:29 pm
Orabilis BRONZE, Little Ferry, New Jersey
3 articles 0 photos 12 comments
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um...thanks?
-Mavis- BRONZE said...
on Aug. 31 2015 at 5:09 pm
-Mavis- BRONZE, Hilo, Hawaii
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ehhhh. well its definitely unique.
AnnaSharudenko BRONZE said...
on Aug. 31 2015 at 5:02 pm
AnnaSharudenko BRONZE, Los Angeles, California
3 articles 0 photos 24 comments

Favorite Quote:
Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality. -Edgar Allan Poe

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I love it :)
Orabilis BRONZE said...
on Aug. 30 2015 at 6:35 pm
Orabilis BRONZE, Little Ferry, New Jersey
3 articles 0 photos 12 comments
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cool, thanks bro
SomeoneMagical PLATINUM said...
on Aug. 30 2015 at 3:54 pm
SomeoneMagical PLATINUM, Durham, New Hampshire
22 articles 1 photo 259 comments
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Just because I'm nice, I'm dropping a comment ----------/: