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Now? No.
Now I know,
you’re really not goddamnit worth it.
Now I know,
friendship is a lie.
Now I know,
entrusting people with your feelings
meant giving them the rights
to crush everything that you built up.
Now I know,
talking about my own feelings
are never their priority.
Now I know,
I’m not important
not to them,
not to you,
not to anyone.
Now I know,
hurt is an unbearable pain
out of breath
out of words
tears spoke more than the mouth
silence breathes more than the lungs.
Now I know,
betrayal is a part of life,
giving up means “you don’t exist in my life”
crying makes you “the weak one”
ignoring makes you “the shy one”.
Now I know,
there is no such thing as a friend,
the only person who will always be there for you,
is you.
Now I know,
it hurts more to be friends
with someone you thought you knew
than not being able to breathe.
It’s stupid how many times you tell yourself “everything’s okay”,
when everything that’s happening around you is saying otherwise.
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dear 4T 2015,
from me
to you.