Distressed, agonized, ashamed and coated in a cold shell I didn’t want to live in anymore. There was no escape, I was outmoded and over used. They would pull on emptiness and pain no longer could exist in this place called my mind. I thought it was because of the way I dressed or looked so I changed my hair, my attitude, my hobbies even. Still people teased and hated me for being who I was and even who I changed into. Eventually, I cracked giving up on everything I had ever thought mattered. Nothing mattered anymore because if they told me I wasn’t meant to be born, then maybe I wasn’t. Night after night I would silently cry myself to sleep hoping that one day everything would change, maybe tomorrow they’ll be a little less rude a little less harsh. Yet disappointment would approach me like the only friend I had and their tongues would cut like razors into my monotonous mind once more. They say sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me, but I think their words hurt worse than both sticks and stones and my whole body could be bruised and sore and Id still take another punch over hearing the endless amount of words pouring from their mouths and drowning me…leaving me gasping for air.

June 18, 2014 I was lifted from the water just as I was blacking out. I reached a place in my life where no opinion was significant, and I became sheltered like a cat in an endless amount of rain. There are bad days, but that could only make the good days mean more. This emotion grasped onto me with gentle arms and said that all wounds heal inside and out and I will be okay. My mind is full of dopamine and my body is concealed by a blanket of safety that sends tingles of satisfaction through my core. I was saved by a feeling I never knew existed and to describe it would be impossible. All I know is that I can’t get enough of this thing called happiness, and there is no one else I’d rather be. Buoyant, vigorous, and benevolent.