maybe next time | Teen Ink

maybe next time MAG

March 1, 2009
By hillary811 GOLD, Bozeman, Montana
hillary811 GOLD, Bozeman, Montana
10 articles 0 photos 3 comments

you’re as sweet as the sugar pan of rio
the words dripped from your mouth
like water from a leaky faucet
i’ve been meaning to fix it
but just haven’t had the time
or so they say.

the look in your eyes
like straight black coffee
no sugar, no cream, no nothing
almost makes me wince the first hot sip
trickling down my throat
still swollen from your kisses.

surviving off a staple diet
of lattes – extra foam
sleep crusted at the corners of my eyes
doesn’t let me forget last night.
not yet.
flannel shirts against my cheek,
tear-stained and puffy,
but when is it not.
sour gummy worms snake through my throat
as slippery as your glances in the hall
dripping with disdain.

you’re too good for me,
you once said to me over a coconut macaroon
and a grande chai,
too hot still.
you told me I didn’t deserve this
damn right I didn’t deserve it.
and here you are now, wondering why I left.
wondering why I turned away when you told me to go.
I didn’t think it was that hard of a concept
to follow words as simple as those.

sleep drifts in and out of the window
like coffee at two in the morning
trying to stay awake, desperate to sort out my thoughts before I can lay my head down
but it doesn’t seem to be working.

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This article has 94 comments.

on Jun. 9 2009 at 10:13 pm
imperfection GOLD, Gilroy, California
17 articles 9 photos 45 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Dream as though you'll live forever, live as though you'll die today."
~James Dean (1931-1955), American Motion Picture Actor, symbol of rebellion

Wow, you definitely have a career in writing. If you'd like, you can check out my work at: Please leave comments so that I can improve!

RiaRen SILVER said...
on Jun. 9 2009 at 1:31 am
RiaRen SILVER, New Bothwell, Other
8 articles 0 photos 75 comments
hey, i give you props on the way you worded and gave analogies!!(coffee can be a pretty ugly thing!! LOL) anyways, the emotion your trying to give off, is met. your an incredible writer and sum time its hard to really work analogies but i think you did amazing.

make sure you write more and sum how, let me no cuz i'll be the first to read it.

if you could is there a chance that you could comment on sum of my writing?


on Jun. 7 2009 at 2:44 pm
ms.PERFECTION BRONZE, Boston, Massachusetts
1 article 0 photos 1 comment
i can really relate to everything in your poem, this just happened to me recently. It's wierd how people spell things out to you so clearly, you get the message, but their reactions make it seem like they dont understand the words they've just said.

on Jun. 4 2009 at 10:28 pm
MeghanMichelle GOLD, Hooksett, New Hampshire
12 articles 0 photos 77 comments
good poem.

on Jun. 4 2009 at 5:14 pm
richardswifey SILVER, Lyndonville, New York
9 articles 0 photos 16 comments

Favorite Quote:
"it s better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all"

i like this peice. i was in a relationship before my current one and he said i dont deserve him sept he meant he was to good for me haha. but the way you vent is amazing this peice of work is great.

Brandi Kim said...
on Jun. 4 2009 at 2:59 pm
Brandi Kim, Sanford, Florida
0 articles 0 photos 20 comments
WOW! thats beautiful.

on Jun. 1 2009 at 12:31 am
SilverDawn GOLD, Burnaby, Other
10 articles 0 photos 297 comments
whoaa, love the coffee analogy; just makes it seem all the more realistic (: it's great how you began and ended with it

on May. 31 2009 at 3:18 am
Daniel Didok GOLD, Boiling Springs, South Carolina
16 articles 0 photos 12 comments
Pleasant. Love happens to the best of us. I like the way you vent.

on May. 28 2009 at 7:20 pm
Twilightnme SILVER, Anchorage, Alaska
6 articles 0 photos 50 comments

Favorite Quote:
"You dont know what you have until its gone"

wow thats amazing. It really shows you and your style. I like it a lot. I really do!

erikaee SILVER said...
on May. 28 2009 at 2:39 am
erikaee SILVER, Lake Charles, Louisiana
7 articles 3 photos 11 comments

on May. 27 2009 at 9:22 pm
ShernayB. DIAMOND, Southfield, Michigan
62 articles 1 photo 881 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Some things will never change"---Tupac

Great work! I love this sweet and inspirational...Keep up the good work!!

Olivea said...
on May. 26 2009 at 10:24 pm
Olivea, Tottenham, Other
0 articles 0 photos 9 comments

Favorite Quote:
The defects and faults of the mind are like wounds in the body. After all imaginable care has been taken to heal them up, still there will be a scar left behind.
Francois de la Roche Foucauld

this is so good

ana said...
on May. 26 2009 at 3:55 pm
this poem is so cute i love it so much

Mikala said...
on May. 26 2009 at 2:34 pm
that was a really good poem. Nice word choice.!

on May. 25 2009 at 1:57 am
PoeticJusticeMami BRONZE, Schererville, Indiana
3 articles 0 photos 1 comment
love it! this poem was outstanding it was really awsome!!

dazed96 BRONZE said...
on May. 18 2009 at 9:34 pm
dazed96 BRONZE, Flolrence, Alabama
4 articles 0 photos 5 comments
that was absoubtly amazing everything about it was well awsome

on May. 18 2009 at 6:40 pm
alayapoetgirl BRONZE, St. Louis, Missouri
4 articles 0 photos 92 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life is hard; but it's harder if you're stupid. -John Wayne

I'm SPEECHLESS! Wow, are you sure YOU wrote this...LOL But seriously you are extremely talented. If all of your work is like this, you should look into publishing some books.

on May. 16 2009 at 2:35 am
MariaMarie DIAMOND, Washington Court House, Ohio
70 articles 0 photos 181 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Life's a mountain on a beach"-Unknown
"Will: This is either madness or brilliance. Sparrow: It's remarkable how often those two traits coincide."-Pirates of the Caribbean:Curse of the Black Pearl.

I love it. The way you describe it, the words you choose, the power and passion- awesome!

smiley93 said...
on May. 14 2009 at 2:34 pm
dat was an awesome poem i love the way u explained things!! the words u used awesome props!!

on May. 13 2009 at 7:59 pm
middlesage BRONZE, Dillsburg, Pennsylvania
1 article 0 photos 3 comments
this is so good. i like it. and i agree with the comment above. (: