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Fight it
Do not let yourself fade into nonexistence because you didn't fit other's expectations, they created them out of idolized imaginary versions of you made up out of their perception of your existence.
Do not let your self become addicted to the feeling of hitting rock bottom, because of the rocks others bound to you with their words and actions.
Allow yourself to float to the surface and breathe in the clean, fresh, 'still got a long way to go but it's getting better' air waiting for you there.
Before you can have confidence to dismiss other's opinions and judgments of you, you need to be accepting and forgiving of yourself first.
You need to try to beleve that you can make it to the surface and breathe the air waiting their for you.
But you also need to except that you can not simply teleport right to the surface on a wim. It will take an enormous amounts of effort and struggle. And living through days of just existing to make it to tomorrow morning without drowning in your own thoughts.
The weight of your mind and the reality of the world may weigh heavily of your ankles but you can fight the chains holding you there. You can struggle to the surface and breathe the air again.
You also need to know that when you get to the surface, the rocks and chains trying to drag you down will not simply disintegrate and dissapere once you get your first few berths.
They will still try to pull you down but you have made it this far, do not let them win now.
Some days they may pull you under the surface, but that don't mean you have lost the fight.
Just push your way back to the surface and try your best to stay their.
The waifhts and chains and the pull and the itch you feel under your skin and in your mind, wispering, will always be their, but after years of water erosion and healing they will eventually let you go, let you be free to brehte the air.
But you need to try your best to hold on until that day comes.
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