I don't know why I keep trying. I don't know why I keep moving on. All I need is access to a weapon of any kind, and it would be done. But I care so much. What do I care about? My family, my friends. I care about the ones that give me comfort and happiness. But do they really care about me? I honestly don't know. Maybe I'm making the wrong decision. I don't know how anyone else feels. They could all be lying to me. The only person I know for sure is not lying to me is my brother. I can trust him. I know how he feels. I know that he loves me just like he says he does. Why do I trust him so much? Help me. Help me figure out why I am so trusting of people that, after this life, I will never see again. When I die and come back to life, as I believe in reincarnation, I will become someone else. I will not know my brother anymore, nor will I know my mother or my father. The only people I will know then are the people I was born to next. Maybe I will even become a boy in my next life, I don't know. 

Why do I trust so easily? My Other, Saij, is trying to get me to trust only her. But I never will. I know she's lying to me, but sometimes I believe her. Sometimes, I can't help but listen to the words that come out of that stitched mouth. The words that graze over her long tongue and sharp teeth hit my ears like a brick wall and I just can't stop myself from listening. 

You know, it's actually kind of funny. Here I am, complaining about how everyone says they love me even if I think they're lying and, in the end, it doesn't even matter. I'm going to die one of these days. Maybe by my own hand, or by the hand of God. I don't know how I'm going to die, but I do know that everything in this world is useless. Everyone in this world is useless. I shouldn't care about anyone on this filthy rock because, when it all comes down to it, they don't care about me, either.