I used to curl my hair almost every week
I would take the liberty of slipping on a heat protectant glove
to ensure that my small fingers wouldn’t burn while
I turned my straight shiny hair into loose bouncy curls
Almost every month I’d also paint my nails
They were neatly trimmed and would have a base coat
a pretty color
and a top coat to ensure my hard work
stayed so that everybody could see what I had done

Never did I really
spend that money on pricey OPI nail polish
just to impress wide eyed boys
I did it to be able to look at myself
and not have the harsh feeling of
green paint and soggy tree bark
sit in my stomach
I did it to be able to go ahead and say,
“I’m doing this for myself, and I feel good.”
Little did I know then
that that was one of the biggest lies that I thought
I told myself

I stopped spending more than $5 on my wardrobe
I once tried curling my hair again
but did I care to use that stupid glove?
Not a bit
I burnt my wrist, and a brown scar still sits there,
and I’ll sometimes still get questions about it
“It doesn’t matter,”
I’d say
and I’d wear the same select
tee shirts and leggings and shorts
everyday
And my dull matted hair
stayed in its knotted ponytail,
and my nails grew unkept and
unpolished
I’ll spare you the details
of how the inside of the OPI bottles had
dried up and grown a duller color of crust

That’s behind me
as you’ll hear me say
time and time again
And I’ll spare you the other details
of how I started looking at Ulta catalogues again
and the amount of money I spent at Brandy Melville
Sorry Mom and Dad

Today I curled my hair
I took the liberty of spraying heat protectant in my hair
and using that glove when wrapping clean strands
around the hot barrel
Today I looked through the big cabinet in my bathroom
where several bottles of Essie polish
sit untouched in a large container
and it sat with a name tag as a fresh reminder to me,
but I still remember their names

Today I curled my hair,
and I did it for myself,
and I felt
good.