There is something inside me.

Something I cannot explain,

That I cannot fathom,

That I cannot tame.

I try to meditate.

I sit and breathe,

I breathe and sit.

I go on walks 

Thinking this is it.

This will get me to who I am,

The person inside me,

Screaming in a language I don't understand.

I do not know myself.

Yet I expect others to. 

Is that selfish?

I feel I must find myself soon.

I'm afraid I will get lost in the blurred lines of wrong and right.

Afraid I'll be cursed with insomnia to keep me up at night.

Awake to ponder my existence.

Awake to wonder if it's all worth it.

Again I ask, 

Am I being selfish?

In being afraid?

Afraid I will never escape my own brain.

Afraid I am the the one slowly being tamed. 

Afraid of the thoughts and the ways I've been maimed. 

Tell me who I am.

Before I am too weak to stand. 

Before my whole essence turns to nothing.

Before I am but ashes and sand.