They don’t understand how you can look in the mirror every single day

Yet still come up empty in every single way

When asked “What do you find beautiful about yourself?”

I tell my friends to fall in love with themselves first, but I don’t even like me.

That’s because it’s easier to give advice than to receive it.

I certainly am the queen of that bit.

I still come up empty because I still seek out validity for beauty.

Beauty in my art.

Beauty in my brain.

Beauty in my heart.

Beauty in my pain.

I used to say “There wasn’t anything anyone could say about me that would be worse than what I already thought about me”

I was so terrified that someone would hurt me, that while trying to destroy them I destroyed everything I was trying to be.

And I did such a great job, that the girl staring at me in the mirror doesn’t look like me, but as if she’d been replaced.

I say this because my reflection is beautiful, only I can’t remember the last time I ever thought that.

I know its not what truly matters and its your insides are key, but in order for my insides to remain sound I need to make peace with the outside.

So that when asked “What do you find beautiful about yourself?”

I am no longer stumped but ecstatic with the perfect answer.

Everything.

I decided the most beautiful thing about me is how beautiful I think I am.

I will not be the product of my peers’ thoughts, but a reflection of the soul found inside of me.

A soul only I can truly see.

Silence.

It is my first breath.

I search through the cabinets of my mind called memory, only to find silence.

As if my life was such a game, only I don’t want to play.

I gave in a long time ago.

Silence.

It’s the word used to describe the absence of thought.

It’s a day younger than noon and I can only hear my heartbeat.

The sounds echo and suddenly I can’t hear the words being thrown at me.

My brain has been train to see words as bullets, wrapped in poison, using your mouth as the gun.

They fire straight at me one after another.

Silence. Breathe.

I taught myself that.