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Like rain...
March 30, 2011
Like rain letting go
Of the sadness held inside
I let myself cry
© Jacob W., Oklahoma City, OK
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This article has 9 comments.
singergurl12 GOLD said...
on May. 2 2011 at 6:22 pm
LOL yeah- after a lot of practice reading bad poetry (which this is definately NOT), you learn to add in punctuation- i guess I just didn't even notice I was doing it lol
to the author- still, great work. it's the greatest compliment to have two other authors argue over a peice of yours ;)
Allthegoodnamesaretaken BRONZE said...
on May. 2 2011 at 6:20 pm
Ok yea your right. i see how the comma could havebeen forgotten there. then it would make perfect sense.
singergurl12 GOLD said...
on May. 2 2011 at 6:13 pm
that's where you infer how she wanted you to read it though... yes, maybe there should have been a comma there. "Like rain, letting go/ Of the sadness held inside" but other than that, i don't see it at all being wrong...
Allthegoodnamesaretaken BRONZE said...
on May. 2 2011 at 6:09 pm
Actually, she does very clearly make it sound like the rain is emotional. She said "Like rain letting go of the sadness held inside". Right there, she is saying the rain is letting go of sadness.
singergurl12 GOLD said...
on May. 2 2011 at 6:29 am
I didn't agree at all, actually. It doesn't seem like the rain is the one crying- I love your wording and comparison- please keep it the way it is!
Allthegoodnamesaretaken BRONZE said...
on May. 1 2011 at 12:19 pm
I honestly did like this but I have some constructive criticism. 1st of all, you are the one with emotions not the rain, and the way you phrase that makes it seem like the rain is the emotional one. Also, the word sadness is too simple and overused. when writing, try to change the words that are overused, i.e. sorrow would have worked ok there. if you cant think of a synonym yourself, google synonyms for a word. Besides those two things u should tweak, this is good.
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