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A Trip Around the Sun

May 10, 2011
By Kelsey_O SILVER, Essex Fells, New Jersey
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Kelsey_O SILVER, Essex Fells, New Jersey
7 articles 0 photos 8 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities," JK Rowling, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

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A bird sings softly
Light peeks through barren branches
The woods awaken

A mild frost still thaws
The new buds have yet to bloom
Life begins again

Hurried bees rush by
Lively leaves are abundant
A cardinal rests

The Sun goes colder
Rich hues are ubiquitous
The fox sees his breath

© Allison S., Eau Claire, WI

The author's comments:
This is a collection of haikus that I submitted to my school's literary magazine. Feedback please!
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 4 comments.

Kelsey_O SILVER said...
on Jun. 14 2011 at 1:13 pm
Kelsey_O SILVER, Essex Fells, New Jersey
7 articles 0 photos 8 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities," JK Rowling, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

View profile
thanks for the suggestion :)
Kelsey_O SILVER said...
on Jun. 14 2011 at 1:12 pm
Kelsey_O SILVER, Essex Fells, New Jersey
7 articles 0 photos 8 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities," JK Rowling, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

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Thank you so much! 
HeatherBee BRONZE said...
on Jun. 14 2011 at 12:41 pm
HeatherBee BRONZE, I Live In, Texas
1 article 0 photos 1979 comments

Favorite Quote:
Go on and try to tear me down. I will be rising from the ground, like a skyscraper<br /> <br /> Love is louder than the pressure to be perfect

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I think its brilliant!! ^^ Good job!
dolphinportkey7 GOLD said...
on Jun. 12 2011 at 6:20 pm
dolphinportkey7 GOLD, D, Other
12 articles 0 photos 65 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Because I knew you, I have been changed for good&quot; AND &quot;&#039;Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all&quot;

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Try taking out words like "The" or "A" if possible (I understand the syllable structure can be tricky sometimes), it could make it flow just a bit better.