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dying flames
October 22, 2013
Last night burned, and we
burned with it – in the morning:
only ashes left.
© Olivia E., Alto, MI
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION
This article has 3 comments.
As usual of myself, I'm drawn to titles: so the title for this poem initially grasped my curiousity. I will say it felt slightly choppy with the "-in the morning: only ahses left" part. But I knew what you were saying. I think it might benefit from extending the piece just a little more. Maybe not a long poem. But playing with the image. I love the concept. Well done.
SaphiraBrightscales DIAMOND said...
on Mar. 22 2014 at 1:55 pm
SKY! ARE YOU INSANE?!!WEll I'll comment on the poem later but first I read Ray--yo's comment and I was confused so I opened your profile and focused on the About <name> part. NO WAY. YOU MUST REALLY not believe that. It is not true. AND I am getting really sentimental here. Please don't ever believe that. AND you must tell me that you read this when you do okay! Secondly I have missed reading your stuff. Post more soon? Pleeeeaaasee. AND THIS: This is just. Well when you said Phoenix made me think of Fawkes and his song. And then the poem was sad. But somehow without your explanation it seemed fiery and fierce and I somehow overlooked the sad part. But then this Haiku has so many aspects to it and that is always what I adore about your writing. I've missed you. LIKE HELL. Love always, Saphira.
Maintaining precision while also making a point is not always an easy job, but you nailed it. Kudos! I love (and I almost never use this word) your name, and I totally can relate to your description of yourself. And I may be half a world away but I like you, so maybe change that particular line? And I'd appreciate it a lot if you commented on some of my works. Thanks!