Child's Loving Eye by neeT ladiciuS | Teen Ink

Child's Loving Eye by neeT ladiciuS

July 29, 2021
By System_Error_26 PLATINUM, Edmond, Oklahoma
System_Error_26 PLATINUM, Edmond, Oklahoma
41 articles 0 photos 20 comments

Favorite Quote:
"When we're born we cry, because we feel the pain of living for the first time."- Alice C.

"Always be yourself... Unless you can be Batman. Be Batman."- Andy Biersack

"No matter how hard you try, you can never tame a wild spirit!"- CC

"I am not a monster, I am but a man."- Ronnie Radke

"Suicide is not cowardly! I'll tell you what's cowardly... treating someone so badly that they want to take their own life!"- Ashley Purdy

"I'm an artist and I make art-arty-art-art!"- Andy Biersack

"I'm TOP 'Stressed Out' what does that mean? I'm a rap fiend with a bad lead..."- NF

"I GOT A JAR OF DIRT AND GUESS WHAT'S INSIDE IT!!!"- Johnny Depp


[I AM JUST VENTING]

 

I wish,

I wish,

I wish,


 I wish I could be like you,

I wish I could save myself like you,

I wish I could close my eyes [and] say “everything’s gonna be alright”,

I wish I felt alright, even for just one night…


I wish I didnt have to try- to be someone I’m not,

I wish I didn’t have to cry,

I wish I could be myself, 

But I’m stuck in this cell.


Wish I didn’t get overwhelmed,

Didn’t always hate myself,

Knew how to ask for help, 

Didn’t always blame myself.


Daddy,

I wish,

I wish I could break you,

Like you broke me.

I wish I could hurt you,

Like you did to me so easily.


I wish yeah I wish,

I wish I could beat you down,

Then build you up, 

Just to watch you fall.


Oh, would it- make you proud?

I’d give the world just to see you smile,

But all i’ve ever known is your frown. 


I wish I didn’t have to try- to be someone I’m not,

I wish i didn’t have to cry,

Always thinkin it’s my fault.


Wish i didn’t get overwhelmed,

Didnt always hate myself,

Knew how to ask for help,


But you taught me- 

“I better- not hear a peep!”,

So i- put on a smile,

Just for a while,


Daddy..

I wanna thank you,

I no longer feel pain,

I became numb somewhere along the way ^.^


I tolerate everything that I shouldn’t,

Took care of everything that you couldn’t,

I’m healin everyone that you wounded…


But daddy I,

I wish,

I wish I could make you change,

And be a better man,

And when you ask “why?”,

I wish I could say “I still see you with a child’s loving eye”...

even so, I cannot deny-

You, I hate less than I...


The author's comments:

This song is dedicated to my biological father who is currently in federal prison for 15+ years due to the things he did, not only to me, but to others as well. He hurt me and many others in ways I can't even describe. Part of what he did was, drink and take his anger out on me and then turn around and make me believe it was all my fault. If you know me irl, then you see the long-term effects he had on me. I still apologize for everything that I didn't do or cause...


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