Venomous Bite | Teen Ink

Venomous Bite

June 9, 2012
By TraceBatWingsAndBrokenStrings DIAMOND, Oshkosh, Wisconsin
TraceBatWingsAndBrokenStrings DIAMOND, Oshkosh, Wisconsin
52 articles 0 photos 72 comments

Favorite Quote:
"This gun has stopped time in its tracks, has altered the course of our fate. Destiny is shattered and timeless. Closed eyes feel the cold winds embrace."
-Avenged Sevenfold

Venomous Bite

I know that you're coiled and ready.
Serpentine by your design.
Sap my energy, slow and steady.
You're walking a fine line, you're invading my mind.

You're a soul-sucking serpent feeding on my life.

Sink you're teeth deep inside of me. Let the venom course through my veins.
Cripple my body, and break my spirit. Feel more than triple the pain.
Secrets are few with you. The symptoms start to show.
So get your fangs out of me and give me the antidote.

The storm is sever, and the poison's growing.
Out of the light, and into the blight.
You're clearly sinning, and now it's showing.
It's quite the sight, so try to take a bite.

It seems that your disease is cutting through me like a knife.
You're a soul-sucking siren feeding on my life.

My heart is seizing, and now I can't breathe. The cancer is spreading, and it's too much.
The system has shut down, My spirit leaves me. I quiver and shake at your pestilent touch.
No one suspects a thing. You have me by my throat.
Now get your fangs out of me and give me the antidote.

Your parasitic tendencies are ravaging the world around me.
Regret nothing. Sin for pleasure. Dealing pain out without measure.
Hold on tight to what you have. Your world will soon come crashing down
and I'll be there to watch your end begin.
So try, once again, to sink your teeth in.

It seems the venom is wearing off now. Repairing my structure and renewing my urge to fight.
Slither away, don't you ever come back now. Solemnly spoken are these words tonight.
So long, you're gone for good. I'd say that's all she wrote.
Your fangs do nothing now that I've found my antidote.

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This article has 5 comments.

on Nov. 4 2012 at 8:40 pm
theAquarian GOLD, Wethersfield, Connecticut
15 articles 15 photos 5 comments
There are a lot of things I like about this piece. So many of the lines directly clearly make it seem like a song instead of a poem, which is really hard to do- to make that differentiation. I like that it has a story structure as well, you've got this resolution at the end which was sort of pleasant compared to the tone of the song. Any critique lies in simple editing and minor errors like 'sever' instead of 'severe'. That's nothing comapred to the work in its entirety! (:

xbrit46x GOLD said...
on Aug. 8 2012 at 9:54 pm
xbrit46x GOLD, Whitehall, Pennsylvania
12 articles 0 photos 17 comments

Favorite Quote:
"People haven't always been there for me but music always has"- Taylor Swift

this is very well written and i really like it!(:

Johnny99 GOLD said...
on Aug. 8 2012 at 9:40 pm
Johnny99 GOLD, Newport News, Virginia
19 articles 0 photos 69 comments

Favorite Quote:
A rose and a flame, are just the same.

All of your songs are simply amazing.

on Jul. 26 2012 at 4:50 am
ShadowAngel2468 SILVER, Stroudsburg, Pennsylvania
7 articles 3 photos 70 comments

really quite amazing, on a really high level and iengoyed the vocabulary as much as the passion

pls rate n comment my work

DanielM SILVER said...
on Jun. 12 2012 at 7:41 pm
DanielM SILVER, Kent, Washington
6 articles 1 photo 245 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I would rather hated million times for what i did then loved a million times for what i didn't do." - Daniel Moto
" I've sought out to be the best i could posibly be but when i hit a roadblock in life what did i do, i had two choices either stay at the roadblock or i take this roadblock and make of it and go around it and achieve my goal. So, what will it be?"- Daniel Mathia

"People take love like its a four letter word or just a phrase that you tell people or your friends all the time. But in reality love is much bigger than a merely phrase or 4 letter word. Instead love is a genuine promise or covenant to that special person."-Daniel Mathia

“Why change yourself when you were made perfect and wonderfully by the creator of everything?” – Daniel Mathia

“If live is not hurtin then were really not living in.” – B. Reith

I like these lyrics,. their really good. They have a dark eerie feel to it. Great Job!!