Arrival | Teen Ink


August 15, 2013
By Troisyeux BRONZE, Plymouth, Massachusetts
Troisyeux BRONZE, Plymouth, Massachusetts
1 article 0 photos 0 comments

Favorite Quote:

All All All
alone in the
one resting
in the hearse
heads like the sun
it bursts
colors dance around me

It's the start
to the end
it's my heart
to defend
there's no time
to try and spend
it's the end
in the end

One step behind
the higher kind
ahead they dine
just juice no wine
from skulls they drink
secret minds think
population shrinks
population shrinks

For decades they hide
with eyes open wide
always in the lead
knowing how to please
destruction is planned
controlled by hand
time drains like sand

starting to rise
before our eyes

they can see you
they can hear you
They can find you
eliminate you
from the grid

You don't matter
You just exist
Just a number
Just a number

This is it.

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This article has 6 comments.

on Oct. 19 2013 at 4:50 pm
bruisedmemories ELITE, Birdsboro, Pennsylvania
109 articles 10 photos 62 comments

Favorite Quote:
"When you're young, you can fly, but we trip on clouds 'cause we get too high" -The Band Perry (Song: Don't Let Me Be Lonely)
"Cause no matter what, you'll never be alone" -Lady Antebellum (Song: Compass)

Your rhyme and flow in this poem was so perfect! It was a very clever piece and I hope you continue writing because you're great at what you do!

on Oct. 16 2013 at 6:53 pm
TargonTheDragon GOLD, Ofallon, Missouri
15 articles 16 photos 292 comments

Favorite Quote:
First dentistry was painless.
Then bicycles were chainless,
Carriages were horseless,
And many laws enforceless.

Next cookery was fireless,
Telegraphy was wireless,
Cigars were nicotineless,
And coffee caffeineless.

Soon oranges were seedless,
The putting green was weedless,
The college boy was hatless,
The proper diet fatless.

New motor roads are dustless,
The latest steel is rustless,
Our tennis courts are sodless,
Our new religion — godless.

( ).( )....i dunno why, but i just really love this. not for a specific reason, just because. Keep writing!

Mckay ELITE said...
on Oct. 16 2013 at 3:09 pm
Mckay ELITE, Somewhere, Virginia
146 articles 0 photos 2230 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do."
—Apple’s “Think Different” commercial, 1997
“Crazy people are considered mad by the rest of the society only because their intelligence isn't understood.”
― Weihui Zhou

I like the rhythm of it. It swings and sways. The rhyme scheme works well with the rhythm as well. Very clever piece. 

on Oct. 16 2013 at 9:56 am
candlelightwriter GOLD, Kirksville, Missouri
16 articles 0 photos 44 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Secretly we're all a little more absurd than we make ourselves out to be"-- J.K. Rowling.

Very nice rhythm, very nice images, I especially fancied, "one step behind, the higher kind ahead they dine just juice no wine, from skills they drink, secret minds to think, population shrinks, population shrinks." Its a very nice line that is understandable but doesn't spell out exactly what is happening. It leaves enough ambiguity so its open for interpretation (as with the whole poem). I really like this, great song.

on Oct. 13 2013 at 7:48 pm
LaChouette GOLD, Mount Vernon, New York
12 articles 0 photos 146 comments

Favorite Quote:
“And then there are the times when the wolves are silent and the moon is howling.”
- George Carlin

This is a nice piece! I liked the position of your lines; it makes the main points of your poem stand out more. The only grammatical errors I see are punctuation- related and your spelling is very good. I'm not sure why one stanza has only two lines. You may not need to put it there unless that's the way you prefer it. If so, then that's fine. Other than that, I think it was nice. Good Job! 

on Aug. 17 2013 at 10:54 pm
FatedToPretend SILVER, Rapid City, South Dakota
6 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Come to the edge, he said. No, we will fall, they replied. They came to the edge. He pushed them...and they flew."

i liked the rhymes and the meaning of this piece overall. the rhythm is good also! keep up the fantastic work!