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A Sonnet
August 29, 2009
I know not how he bore the loss of her.
To live on as life’s meaning swift departs.
His mad heart must’ve bled from the torture.
Is agony all memory imparts?
Her scent, her laughter, lingered all around.
A broken man sits, void of emotion;
Drink numbing the longing of lovesick wounds.
To exist now held no expectation
Many a tear wasted, gone and away,
Let love be buried, lain with her to rot.
Oh, how heaven keeps his treasure at bay!
What a sad ending their passion has wrought.
He lies down, accepting life without her;
Forgetting that true love can never die.
© Mary Claire J., Wichita Falls, TX
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This article has 4 comments.
Your poem made me speechless O_o lol I just loved it!! I do agree with Puzzle saying that your last 2 lines you should've used the rhyme but honestly other than that I don't think there's anything to change at all. You said it all and it's perfect. Once again I loved it so much I'm impressed. Keep up the great work and don't ever stop writing ;) Thanks for sharing this.
Very good! I love your flawless Iambic pentameter. :) Constructive criticism: Make a title. "A Sonnet" Doesn't pluck a reader and drag him in. I won't suggest a title, as that is entirely your choice. :) But please do one. Next, In sonnets, it is excactly has the same format you used, however, Your couplet (last 2 lines) at the end should rhyme. "Her" and "die" frankly don't. Also, on your rhyming, I love it. The slanted rhymes in the 5th 6th 7th and 8th lines, though are pushing it a tad. Notice wounds has an "s" and pushes the rhyme, even if slanted. Anyway, Great amazing job, and don't you dare stop writing. :) Amazing shakespearean/elizibethian sonnet. I am very impressef. :)
kittykatPhillips said...
on Mar. 15 2010 at 2:48 pm
this is a really really an amazing sonnet keep writing no mater wat your work is asome :)
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