unforseen consequence | Teen Ink

unforseen consequence

January 2, 2015
By joebro SILVER, Compton, California
joebro SILVER, Compton, California
9 articles 0 photos 27 comments

Favorite Quote:
Dreams are like a box of chocolates, if you hold on and think about them for to long it will all start to melt away.


what am i to do and what am i to say

when the very woman i love is going away

my body is eradicated emotions are aggravated

and this situation is something that i didnt want to be contemplated

i don't know what to do or what to say i just want the best

waking up looking at life, stuck in this eternal staring contest

sitting here, waiting, thinking to myself which one of us is going to blink first

that must have been me cause i missed when you took your last breath

i never knew how serious this was until i heard you scremaing silently, that's when i new its depth


The author's comments:

this piece is about the last time i seen my grandmother before she died, which was about six months ago, i didn't know her condition was as bad as it was or even close to live threatening, but just goes to show that people can be taken out of your life at any time.


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This article has 5 comments.


Mckay ELITE said...
on Mar. 3 2015 at 9:47 pm
Mckay ELITE, Somewhere, Virginia
146 articles 0 photos 2260 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do."
—Apple’s “Think Different” commercial, 1997
“Crazy people are considered mad by the rest of the society only because their intelligence isn't understood.”
― Weihui Zhou

I think this piece does reveal how this loss has emotionally affected you. It's very lyrical. Because it's rather lyrical, I would add some punctuation, or make some obvious spacing, so that it's a little easier and clearer to read. Other than that, great piece.

joebro SILVER said...
on Feb. 24 2015 at 11:11 am
joebro SILVER, Compton, California
9 articles 0 photos 27 comments

Favorite Quote:
Dreams are like a box of chocolates, if you hold on and think about them for to long it will all start to melt away.

thank I really took what you said to consideration would you mine looking at some of my recent poems I just posted and giving me feedback on them to?

joebro SILVER said...
on Feb. 19 2015 at 11:40 am
joebro SILVER, Compton, California
9 articles 0 photos 27 comments

Favorite Quote:
Dreams are like a box of chocolates, if you hold on and think about them for to long it will all start to melt away.

is song corner a website or is it apart of this??

RealRiter GOLD said...
on Feb. 18 2015 at 2:36 pm
RealRiter GOLD, Astoria, Oregon
10 articles 0 photos 65 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I did not fail 101 times, but I simply found 101 ways that did not work." -Thomas Edison

Great job, I do suspect some lyrics in you... have you checked out song corner? I think you`d be able to turn one of your poems into a song if you`re up to it.

on Feb. 17 2015 at 1:07 pm
WOWriting SILVER, Broadstairs, Other
5 articles 0 photos 266 comments
Emotional, heart wrenching topic. I'm sorry for your loss. As a piece, I feel like the rhymes r forced and the beat off in places, but still very emotional piece and well-written.