Do you like unnecessary CGI?
How about unexplained villains?
Do you like plot holes?
Inconsistencies?
Ryan Reynolds prior to 2016?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you should seek medical help immediately.  If you’re a connoisseur of box office flops, then you know what movie I’m talking about.  The 2011 not-so-hit superhero movie, Ryan Reynolds’ Green Lantern.

This movie is the definition of wasted resources, as well as being the biggest failure of director Martin Campbell’s career. With a box office gross of $219.9 Million, you might think I have the wrong opinion here, but look a little closer, and discover that the total budget for the film was $200 Million. Almost $20 Million dollars may seem like a lot to you, but for the former James Bond director and an accomplished film studio, that’s like the change you throw at a homeless man across the street in downtown Philadelphia to see if you can make it in his guitar case without hitting anyone. Moving on.

WE WANT MORE CGI!

Said no one. Ever. Even George Lucas had some restraint when he went off on a remastering tangent. To quote the new hit movie Deadpool, “Don’t make the supersuit green! Or animated!” Words to live by. The CGI in The Green Lantern was obnoxiously unnecessary to say the least. The mask, of all things, was CGI’ed on to Reynolds’ face, and not only did it look upside down, it made his forehead draw more attention than a Lohan publicity stunt. The entire suit, at that, was completely animated. It was ugly, and it didn’t give across the message that it was intended to.

And last but not least, the 3rd worst film adaptation of one of the most badass supervillains of all time, falling into 3rd place short only of Fantastic 4 (2015) “Doctor Doom”, and Ironman 3 (2013) “Mandarin”, we have Parallax. If you’ve ever read a Green Lantern comic book, you’ll know that if you only have to fear, fear itself, Parallax would make you beg for adult diapers. He is the literal force of fear, the Green Lantern Corps. only weakness, and can take the form of anything it pleases, including on occasion, Hal Jordan, the Green Lantern himself. You know what we got as an excuse for Parallax in this movie? Ghost rider with a side of Megamind. Parallax was a group of floating ghastly skulls, surrounded by a trail of yellow energy (fear), that possessed a completely innocent man, who I would like to mention was not driven by greed, anger or fear. But that wasn’t even the worst part. The worst part would be how our not-so-beloved protagonist defeated the villain in one swell foop, by punching him with an enormous fist, and knocking him into the sun.
Roll credits? I wish. No, actually. Warner Bros. decided it would be a great idea to keep fans in the theater for another minute and a half to set up for a sequel that clearly wasn’t going to happen.

In conclusion I decree this movie a cross of everything that was wrong with Ironman and all the flaws of Ryan Reynolds. If you ask me, that’s one ugly child.