There are reasons why I felt this feeling of somberness and it is because there are people who believe that I’m the girl who is on top of something, that I can do such things that others can’t, that I may excel as high as others but the reality speaks that I’m not. Not as good as others, as high as my classmates, as efficient as they’ve thought.
Why I shouldn’t be? A pessimistic like me won’t accept the fact that I can.
I thought of something that I may be good as my other classmates when it comes to some activities but the output shows it isn’t good enough. I hate the feeling of being inspired by others because in the end there will always be disappointment. For instance, my friend, who is a brilliant student, talked to me and said that at first, he and our other classmates thought I will be someone who will excel in our class, the one who will be challenged by others because they see that I’m a bit serious when it comes to studies, they think I’m school-centered and grade conscious but the way he speaks, it shows that I’m really not. As time goes by, I really don’t have their first impression which leads to disappointment and made me a somber feeling.
There is also this instance that made me down. In a particular subject we took, our professor gave each group a topic to be reported by their leaders and I’m one of the leaders. As she called our group for presentation, I’m about to start my discussion when she mentioned, “ok let’s see who is better, you Ms. Angel or her sister?” where my sister was her former student. I felt something can’t really explain knowing that you’ve been compared to your sister in front of your classmates and it isn’t a good thing. I just smiled and heard of something from my friend that there shouldn’t have ‘better” because they have their own uniqueness. And I began to report because I already gained from what I’ve heard and I’m really thankful about what she said.
Until now, there’s still the doubt in me that I can’t do great things like what others are doing or even have the ability to reach the expectations of my parents because I still don’t have something to be proud of or something that will be the pride of my family.
But there was this inspirational lesson came from our professor when I’m in our 2nd year college in BS Legal Management and she is a Judge who inspires everybody. She said, “To those students who are having high grades, you shouldn’t be contented on what you have now, and to those students who are in their average level or experiencing some low grades, don’t lose hope. Why am I telling this? It is because there are maybe students who are on the top may experience failures and to those who didn’t make it at present can possibly make it in the near future.”
And now, I still have her words and kept in mind and in my heart to continue what I’ve started.