Bing-bong.

Carl looked up from the box he was unpacking. Who on Earth would be visiting him?

Bing-bong.

He stood up and stretched as he walked from the kitchen to the front room. At least this house was smaller than the last.

Bing-bong, bing-bong.

“Alright, I’m coming!” Carl called out. “Impatient nut-job,” he added to himself.

Upon opening the door, a young eager face looked up at him.

“I’m here to be your side-kick,” he announced breathlessly. Carl blinked in puzzlement.

“My what?”

“Your side-kick!” the teenager enthused. “All super-heroes have to have one! So, I’m here to take the position.”

Carl looked at his watch. “I’ve only been in town for an hour! I haven’t even finished unpacking yet! How did you even know I was here?”

“Everyone knows about you!” the youth exclaimed. “You’re Porifera, one of the greatest super-heroes ever! You make lightning, and blast people with sound waves, and all sorts of awesome things. I want to be your side-kick.”

“What? Do your parents even know you’re here kid?”

“Yeah, they gave me a ride.” The teenager pointed down the driveway to a minivan. Two adults waved from the front seat.

Carl gave a half wave in return. “Okay, well, ah, sure, what the heck. If nothing else you can help me unpack.”

The teen scampered inside the house as Carl called after him. “What’s your name anyway?”

“I go by Plucky!”

“Why not?” Carl asked himself sarcastically.


After a long day of unpacking and an order-in dinner of Chinese food, Plucky was still…well, plucky. The kid was the most energetic sixteen-year-old Carl had ever come across.

He glanced over as Plucky gave a gasp. “Quick, Porifera, there are lights in the sky! Waving spotlights! Is it the signal?”

“Is it coming from the North or South?”

“Ah…South.”

“The cinema is in that direction,” Carl answered blandly. “I think tonight they’re having a drive-in double feature or something.”

“What about if it was coming from the North end of town?”

“That would be from the direction of Town Hall, and probably be for me.”

The sound of a telephone pierced the air. Carl sighed in exasperation. “Ah, for the love of…Get the phone.”

Plucky almost tripped in the effort to reach the bright red land line. “Home of Porifera, Crime Fighter Extraordinaire! Oh, hi Mayor Sweeny. Yes, I finally got someone to take me on. It’s great! Yeah, he’s here. Okay, I’ll tell him. Have a nice night.”

Plucky hung up the phone with a grand gesture and looked at Carl. “The Mayor says a giant robot is destroying down-town Ciudadpueblovillburg, and they need someone to stop it.”

“And I just got here too. Why didn’t they just use the signal?”

“Something about the lens getting dropped and having to order a new one.”

“Anything else about this robot?”

“Nope. Just that it’s stepping on buildings and heading for Town Hall.”

“It’s always Town Hall,” Carl muttered. “And they never tell me anything. How am I supposed to know what I’m doing if they never tell me anything? I swear, after this I’m getting an office job.”

Carl stood with a sigh. “Oh, well, better get started.”

Plucky watched with wide eyes as Carl sat cross-legged in the middle of the carpet, hands resting on his knees. Plucky stared in silence for a moment before speaking.

“Aren’t you going to do something?”

“I am.”

“You’re just sitting there!”

“I’m charging. Now shut up; you’re breaking my concentration.”

“Charging?”

“Aren’t you’re parents supposed to be here to get you?”

“In three minutes. They’re absurdly prompt. What do you have to charge? Don’t you just go out and start zapping the bad guys with lightning or something?”

Carl sighed and opened his eyes, giving Plucky a look of exasperation. “Look, kid, I don’t know what you think I do, but I can’t just go sauntering out and zapping people. Doesn’t work like that. I’ve got to charge—”

“With what?” Plucky interrupted. “Aren’t you supposed to go to some secret cave and get into your superhero outfit?”

“No. I absorb light, heat, and sound from the air, and then use it, like this.” Pointing his finger at Plucky, Carl sent a small spark at the boy’s shoulder.

“Ow!”

“Get it?”

“So…you’re just a big sea sponge, but for land?”

“It’s in the name, kid. Porifera? Phylum for sea sponges? Didn’t you take tenth grade Biology?”

“I slept through most of it.”

“Lovely.”

There was a knock at the door. Carl sighed. “Good, it’s your parents. Now go away, I have a job to do.”


In downtown Ciudadpueblovillburg, a large, heavy set robot with a large BM emblazoned on it was storming down Main Street. It swung its arms at buildings and crushed cars like soda cans. Inside the bubble head a human shaped figure could be seen cackling as the robot reached for the roof of Town Hall.

“Stop!” a loud, masculine voice called out. The robot froze and the person inside looked down at the ground.

A man stood proudly in the street, shoulders thrown back. He wore a tight neon blue jumpsuit with bright yellow strips crisscrossing over his chest. Under the suit was a neon orange spandex turtle neck. The finned visor matched the suit perfectly, as did the bright blue combat boots with yellow racing stripes down the sides. On his right arm was a blue cannon to match the jumpsuit, and on his left was a sparking light shield. His orange belt sported a large white ‘P.’

“Who are you?” a thickly accented European block voice boomed from the robot. The brightly colored man tilted his head back, as though he’d heard the line far too often. He lifted a megaphone to his lips that was obviously from someone else, going from the black color.

“Seriously? You have to ask? That’s the reason you nut jobs come storming into towns! You know exactly who I am!”

“You’re new,” the man in the robot called out. “Ze last ‘ero moved out.”

The hero nodded. “Sounds fair. Let’s do this right then. From the top.” He cleared his throat, gathering himself before calling out.

“I am Porifera, defender of Ciudadpueblovillburg, and you are not welcome here!”

“Ciudad-pueblo-will-burg?” the mysterious man questioned. “Vhat sort of name iz zat?”

“It’s a Western town name!” Porifera shouted back. “Everyone else is on the East Coast. Deal with it!”

“Do not get your tights in knot,” the man said. “Vas only question. So, if you do not vant me here, and I vish to stay, vhat do you plan to do about it?”

“I will fight you!”

“Ha! You are no match for my Destruct-o-tron-o-bot!”

“Destruct-o-tron-o-bot?” Porifera exclaimed. “That’s not even a word!”

“Neither is Ciudadpueblowillburg!”

“Point! What I plan to do, Strange New Villain I Haven’t Met Before, is stop you, with my amazing superpowers!”

“You vill fail!”

“Fail this!” Dropping to one knee, Porifera used the cannon on his arm to send out a massive sound wave, driving the Destruct-o-tron-o-bot backwards into a car repair shop.

“Iz zat all you ‘ave?” the man in the robot shouted. “Iz nothing compared to ze lazah!”

The robot’s right arm came up and a large cannon pointed at Porifera, firing at him. Porifera dodged the first three blasts but had to use his light shield to block the fourth. It ricocheted off into a nearby drive-through sign, destroying it.

Porifera rolled his eyes behind his mask. It was late, and the longer this lasted the more stuff that would get damaged. Clean-up was always a pain.

“You are not tired already, Porifera?” the man in the robot taunted. “Ve have only juzt begun!”

“No, Evil Man In A Robot!” Porifera shouted back. “We end this now!”

Dropping his shield he sent from his eyes a blast of pure heat energy at the Destruct-o-tron-o-bot’s chest, melting it. Sparks flew as it fell to its knees before falling face down flat on the street.

The driver walked out from the smoke. He wore a black top hat and a tuxedo, a dark opera cape fluttering from his thin shoulders. He had a large, curling mustache on his upper lip. Porifera stood tall to face the assailant.

Wrapping the cape grandly around himself, the black caped man announced, “I am ze Black Mustache, and you may ‘ave destroyed my creation, but you ‘ave not finished me!”

“Black Mustache?” Porifera asked. “You’re blond.”

“Am not!”

“You forgot to dye your eyebrows.”

“Shut up!” Black Mustache screeched. “I am ze Black Mustache!”

“Alright, alright.” Porifera held up his hands in a half surrender. “You have the right to pick your own name. You want a drink?” He gestured to a coffee shop behind him. Black Mustache straightened.

“Yes, zat vould be lovely. Thank you.”

Porifera went inside first and jumped over the counter, taking off his sound cannon and light shield and laying them aside. “What do you want?”

“Tea, two sugars and cream please.”

“No problem.” Porifera started making the requested drink. “So since we’re just chatting, there’s always something I wanted to know; where do all you people get your funding?”

“Iz old money, in the family many years. Also, is good inwesment in stock market.”

“Oh, I get it. Makes sense. I wonder if that’s how Santa does it?”

“Oh, Nicholas? ‘E is from disgraced part of family, distant cousin. We don’t like to talk about it.”

“Santa’s your cousin?” Porifera asked as he set down Black Mustache’s tea and started working on his iced coffee.

“Very distant,” Black Mustache confided. “Ve don’t like to speak of it. Nicholas is name of first born son. Iz a generational thing.”

“What about the accents? All you bad guys have these weird voices that don’t really belong to any part of the map.”

“Iz another stereotype from World War Two era comics. Ze bad guys were alvays Japanese or German or Russian. Iz only way you take us seriously. If we all came in and said”—Black Mustache suddenly switched to a Southern accent—“Howdy there folks! I’m just gonna blow up yer downtown area fer the heck of it”—he switched back—“you vould not believe us. It zounds much better if we arrive and say, ‘”I vill destroy your pitiful city!”’

“I see your point,” Porifera said, drinking some of his coffee. “Why do you always try to kill us? Diabolical world ending machines and such.”

Black Mustache shrugged. “Ve get bored. Iz nothing else to do.”

“You could always build something helpful rather than blow stuff up.”

“Vhere is fun in zat? You American’s, you like destroying things. Like zat show where ze two scientist people blow things up in response to questions.”

“Mythbusters?”

“Yes, zem.”

“I see what you mean.” Porifera glanced at the clock and sighed. He started putting his gear back on. “Well, we’ve been here long enough for a monologue from you. Let’s get this over with.”

“How you vant this done?”

“You people always have a ray gun hidden in your boot. Just blow the door open. I’ll back out through it as you shoot at me, then I’ll knock you out with a sound wave.”

“Zounds good.”


Porifera delivered Black Mustache to the jail ten minutes later. “Put him somewhere comfy, let him out in a few days.”

“What?” The warden looked confused.

“It’ll save you money. He’ll probably blow the wall off if you keep him here too long.”

Porifera was almost to the door when the warden stopped him. “Aren’t you supposed to say something impressive at the end?”

“Huh? Oh yeah.” Porifera sighed. “The peaceful metropolis of Ciudadpueblovillburg remains a beacon of light and hope to the surrounding towns. It stands as a pillar of strength, freedom, and justice, and I will always protect it.”

He walked out into the street. “Oh, I need a massage. I’m getting too old for this.”