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Happy and the Thieving, Murderous, Bean-Stalker
A long time ago, in a land far away, there was a friendly giant named Happy. Happy was one the last of the Great Giants. Humongous creatures that towered above humans and all other organisms. Happy was often misunderstood because humans were afraid of his size and inability to speak english.
One day, due to rumours and fear the townsfolk chased the poor giant away and set fire to his humble home. Happy lost most all of his useful magical possessions, except for his talking goose that could lay golden eggs. The goose was Happy's only friend.
Happy used the last of his remaining magic to build a castle up in the clouds, where no human could burn his house or chase him away with pointy pitchforks. For the first time, in a long time, Happy was happy.
Decades passed, and Happy and his goose lived together in harmony. People down on earth began to forget about giants and magical creatures. Happy and his goose remained undisturbed in their castle, while all of the other giants down on earth were being slaughtered.
One day, a mysterious, giant beanstalk came shooting up from the ground below. The goose saw the amazingly tall foliage appear while Happy was taking a nap, but the goose did not want to wake his good friend, so he went to investigate the beanstalk by himself.
The curious goose waddled over to the opening in the clouds where the beanstalk penetrated the sky. Suddenly, a ugly, short, misshapen, dirty boy scampered out of the clouds and jumped from the beanstalk to just in front of the goose.
The goose was so startled that he accidentally laid one of his precious golden eggs in surprise. The boy screamed in delight and grabbed up the goose. The poor goose cried for help and squirmed in the boys meaty arms. All this noise woke Happy, who was sleeping peacefully across the castle yard in his bedroom.
Sleepily, Happy gazed out of his window to look for the source of the racket and to see a boy dragging his best friend down a large, green beanstalk. Happy cried out in anguish, leapt spectacularly from the castle window in haste, and bounded after the boy.
The boy saw the giant charging towards him and panicked. Yet again, Happy was misunderstood as an angry, flesh eating giant, which was ridiculous-Happy was a vegetarian. The boy jumped onto the beanstalk and slid down to the very bottom, and grabbed an axe used for chopping wood from the local farm that the boy lived on.
As Happy climbed down after the kidnapper as the boy began to frantically chop away at the beanstalk. Happy tried to yell down to the boy to kindly let his friend go, but the child could not understand the ancient language of the giants. Instead it sounded like a rumbling "Fe Fi Fo Fum!" (Which actually means in Ancient Giantese, "Good sir, would you be so kind as to return my magical, golden-egg laying, talking goose?")
This strange language sounded like monstrous gibberish to the boy, which frightened him even more. Unfortunately, as Happy was halfway down, the boy cut through the stalk completely. Happy gasped and screamed as he fell towards his clumsy, painful death.
Thus ends the story of poor Happy, the last of the giants. As for the farm boy, he became very rich and kept his magical goose in a cage until it's death. The farm boy forced to the goose to lay golden eggs, and made up a story to make people believe that he killed the giant in self-defense. Even when it died the goose had laid enough golden eggs to last the farm boy ten lifetimes of extreme richness. He proclaimed himself as King Jack
THE END
In Loving Memory of Happy
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Twist on fairy tale. For fun.