Subconscious | Teen Ink


October 1, 2009
By AlexHeller DIAMOND, San Mateo, California
AlexHeller DIAMOND, San Mateo, California
60 articles 2 photos 16 comments

Favorite Quote:
Live with intention. walk to the edge. listen hard. practice wellness. play with abandon. laugh. choose with no regret. continue to learn. appreciate your friends. do what you love. live as if this is all there is. -Mary Anne Rabmacher

Subconscious, imbedded deep within are all my hopes and dreams, lying in hibernation waiting to be unlocked when the key is found, the key is true love, I have not experienced true love, but I already know that it is the key, the key to life, the key love, the key to everything. I am wandering in my mind hoping to find the door so that all my thoughts will flow like a stream of tears, or a babbling brook. Aha! I have found it, but of course it is locked. The key is near, I can feel it in bones, but I dare not wander anymore for I might just lose the door. I dare to shift my gaze away from my door at another aligned with gold and red, I look back at my door, but…it’s gone! I’m lost again in the Sea of Confusion. It’s funny how this river flows and the Sea of Happiness does not. I wish only to understand the world and my life and why I was created to suffer so. I wish only to break the lock upon my past, for if I don’t I might not have a future. My hopes and dreams are history; I never saw them and never will…
I run around the borders of my mind trying to find the door, finally, I give up. I collapse on the floor that is printed with the Moss of Secrets. They whisper the unknown into my ears, but alas, how am I to know if it is the truth or just more lies to cover up something long forgotten. I gaze up at the endless ceiling, there is the door, hovering above my head, and yet, just out of reach. The door is laughing at me and I know it. I do not know what to do, but then, to my surprise, in reality, where floating doors, and trees that talk are just myth, I feel something warm brush my lips, a kiss, my savior! The door stops laughing, and then, the Sea of Happiness starts with just a mere trickle, and just like magic, starts to flow with such enthusiasm that I start to wonder if it will over-flow and I will drown, but of course, I don’t. The door silently produces a key out of nowhere as if it were a 4-year-old trying to steal a cookie from the cookie jar on the highest shelf while his mom’s back is turned. Suddenly, all of my memories, hopes and dreams come back to me. Although I now can unlock the door, do I really want to? What if I’m doomed to die tomorrow? What if I have no future? What if I have no dreams? I snatch the key from its hovering spot so fast that I might have dropped the key altogether. I shut my eyes tight, so tight that my eyes feel like they will pop. I wedge the key into the keyhole, my sweaty hands turn the lock, the door swings open with an unwelcoming “CCCRRRREEEEKKK” I see something dreadful. My body is lying unconscious on a cold black rock that is sinking into the Sea of Confusion. I slam the door shut as my breath quickens. I slide slowly, like a snail, to the ground with my back on the door. The door and key both crumble into ashes and then dematerialize. I now realize what I have done. I have sealed my door shut for good. There is no going back, I am stuck here forever, or so I think…I realize I can go deeper into my subconscious and find another door. How do I know that the door that just dematerialized is actually my door? It may be someone else’s! I am in control, for now that is, but still, for now I decide my fate not a door-portal that shows me whatever I fear most. Yes, the door has materialized, but I haven’t, have I? I can live on, although my time will come, it is not now. For me, for now, I am free! I decide that before I journey farther into the ruins of my forgotten Subconscious that I deserve a break. To the beach! I walk upon the shore of an endless beach, the waves roll up and the waves roll down the sun beats down on more imaginary people in my mind. The gears in my brain start to twist and turn, they start to roll and rock like the waves. I look out of to clear glass windows, my eyes. In reality, I am riding my bike aimlessly down the road, no wait, down a dessert. I check the files in my mind to see what I am truly doing…empty, blank, nothing. I close the shades, hoping to block out some of the blinding sunlight. I take a walk down the lane of answers in search of a tree with purple bark and blue leaves. That tree will provide me with the reason my mind is empty. My mind starts to wander; it asks me if I should actually go looking for my missing files. Then I stop to think, what am I saying?! I finally realize that without the files I am useless…my body is useless, and so is everything else that is brain powered, that leaves me with little. I think an awkward thought, and my legs stop moving. What if I find another door? Maybe then I can live in harmony with my thoughts. I pack a suitcase full of food and clothes plus a map of course. I then buy a ticket at the station where The Train of Thought slows to a stop to let everyone board it. I hand my ticket to an invisible driver, and then I am directed to the back of the train. I travel deeper, deeper and deeper once more. Deeper than I have ever been into the Subconscious. When I glance out of the window, I see pictures, no wait, memories…that I do not remember? It’s strange, as if these were not my thoughts, but someone else’s life. The train slows to a stop. It appears that I have reached my destination, I get off the train. I have made it to the center of my Subconscious and now, to Subconscious Corporation.

The author's comments:
written in 5th grade, thanks to Miss Woods for being a Great Teacher

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This article has 2 comments.

on Oct. 15 2009 at 9:30 pm
I found this story incredibly profound, deep, and moving. Whether or not you wrote it in the 5th grade, I don't care; the hand you used to write it with is a natural writer's hand, regardless of your age. I look forward to any other stories you submit. Your story made me think far more than any philosopher's work could do. Congratulations!

Zero_K DIAMOND said...
on Oct. 12 2009 at 1:16 pm
Zero_K DIAMOND, Moosic, Pennsylvania
83 articles 0 photos 435 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Life's no fun if you're not insane, otherwise you grow up to be an accountant." -Moi

5th grade? Are you sure? When I was in 5th grade I couldn't write nearly as well as this. Fabulous work!

-Blessed Be!