[LAWRENCE and JEROME are sitting on her front steps, eating sandwiches.]



LAWRENCE: Jerome, do you notice anything different about me? I mean, different from other girls.

JEROME: Uh, well. Yeah. I guess so. Several things.

LAWRENCE: No, I was thinking of one specific thing.

JEROME: Uhmmm ... You have a special sense of humor.

LAWRENCE: Physical, Jerome. Think physical.

JEROME: Well, your eyes are sort of an odd color.

LAWRENCE: No, do you give up?

JEROME: OK, sure.

LAWRENCE: My legs, Jerome.

JEROME: What about your legs?

LAWRENCE: I didn't shave them, stupid.

JEROME: You're telling me that you don't shave your legs? That's gross, Lawrence.

LAWRENCE: But you didn't notice, did you?

JEROME: Well, no.

LAWRENCE: I haven't shaved my legs in three weeks, and get this , no one noticed. So this is my point: why bother? I mean, shaving is some sort of cultural phenomena , our culture says that to have a pleasant outward appearance, women must shave. But if no one notices, then it's pointless.

JEROME: Good use of deductive reasoning.

[Pause. Lawrence starts breaking her sandwich into pieces.]

JEROME: What are you doing?

LAWRENCE: Making Communion wafers.

JEROME: What? Why?

LAWRENCE: When I was little I wanted to be a priest. I used to flatten all my bread and break it into little pieces, like this. [She breaks the bread into pieces, then holds it above her head, priest-like and solemn.] Then I would walk around the table and say, "This is the body of Christ." To which my parents would reply, "Amen."

Jerome: Your parents encouraged this?

LAWRENCE: Well, they put up with it. Then one of my teachers told me that women couldn't be priests. I was devastated.

JEROME: So what do you want to do now?

LAWRENCE: Well, after I was told that I couldn't go into the ministry, I wanted to be an astronomer for awhile. It sounds neat, you know. But I'd probably have to take math, don't you think?

JEROME: You probably would.

LAWRENCE: Then that's definitely out .... No, I really have no idea of what I'm going to do.

JEROME: Wow, I can hardly believe that. I mean, I know exactly what I'm going to do. Go to MIT and become an engineer.

LAWRENCE: What if you don't get in?

JEROME: Gosh, I don't know. I don't even want to think about it. I've wanted to be an engineer forever , since before I knew what to call it.

LAWRENCE: Why do you want to be an engineer?

JEROME: ... Well, um ... it's pretty neat, I guess ... uh ... you get to ... I don't know exactly why. I just do.

LAWRENCE: Uh-huh, want some Communion?

JEROME: No, thank you. I'm Jewish.

LAWRENCE: Well, that's interesting.

JEROME: OK, finally you find something interesting about me , my religion. I don't even practice.

LAWRENCE: You don't look Jewish. You look very Gentile. If you lived in fascist Germany, I bet you could have fooled the Nazis.

JEROME: That's certainly a comforting thought. I'm glad you brought it up.

LAWRENCE: Don't you ever think of those sorts of things? I always used to plan what I'd do in case of a volcano.

JEROME: What? There aren't even any mountains around here.

LAWRENCE: Still, it's good to be prepared. Like those people in Pompeii , they weren't prepared, and they died.

JEROME: Are you crazy?

LAWRENCE: It's possible. But the real question is, are you crazy?

JEROME: No.

LAWRENCE: See, that's why you are crazy. I acknowledge the possibility of insanity, therefore I am sane. You deny the possibility, so you're insane.

JEROME: Oh, God. [He falls backwards, lies on his back, and covers his face.] Oh, God.

LAWRENCE: He's hoping for divine intervention. n