What Am I? | Teen Ink

What Am I?

September 8, 2010
By jmd96 GOLD, Bradenton, Florida
jmd96 GOLD, Bradenton, Florida
19 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
A poem is never finished- only abandoned


I steal.
Souls whisper to me as I walk down the street, eliciting chills of cold and fear, rolling painfully down passerby’s spines. My cloak, a long black shadow, swirls around me, licking the walls and dripping into windows of sleeping children. Tainting their dreams with the delicious intoxicating scent of fear.
Hell is my home. A dark damp cave lined with halls of the dead. They moan softly, their voices slithering across the floor and combining to create a song of depression and fear. A haunting melody that steals after me even when I am among the living.
The Sun brings me no warmth, a smile, no joy. I am immune to feeling, yet I crave emotion. Nights. Dark with the soft whisper of a cool wind running through me. Slipping past my limbs and appendages.
Slip through a door, light peeking through the crack, sneaking in a scene few ever witness. A bed huddles against the far wall. A dull grey comforter twisted into the skimpy body of an elderly man, his breathing ragged and labored.
I bend over and run one long pale finger, twisted yet beautiful down his face. I call to the soul trapped inside this physical shell. It comes willingly. An almost imperceptible wisp of grey slips into the folds of my cloak.
Silence.
It wafts around the room. For I am long gone. But when the residents find the corpse in the bed, they will know I have been there.
Now- I have given you clues, I have told you my story now you have to answer just one question.


What Am I?



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This article has 3 comments.


jmd96 GOLD said...
on Sep. 14 2010 at 6:57 am
jmd96 GOLD, Bradenton, Florida
19 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
A poem is never finished- only abandoned

ok thnx so much 4 readin it and i will check out dat stuff!

on Sep. 13 2010 at 8:20 pm
NeverCaredForKool-Aid GOLD, Elkridge, Maryland
13 articles 0 photos 531 comments

Favorite Quote:
I don't believe in hell but I believe in my parent's couch-- Watsky

By the way, I think you might like my story, "Encounter" can you check it out, please?  *Bats eye lashes*

on Sep. 13 2010 at 8:20 pm
NeverCaredForKool-Aid GOLD, Elkridge, Maryland
13 articles 0 photos 531 comments

Favorite Quote:
I don't believe in hell but I believe in my parent's couch-- Watsky

Ok, so daeth seems to be the obvious answer.  At first I was thinking the toothfairy but now I don't think so...

Anyway, that's my guess, here's my feedback.  Great description and atmosphere of mystery.  You did a great job with your imagery, but I found this a little lacking in other litterary  deviced.  I feel like personification could do really well in this story- if you give human thoughts/actions to an object, you could have death steal it's life too.

Overall, this was really good, 5 stars