Harvest Moon (nessie's point of view) part 1 | Teen Ink

Harvest Moon (nessie's point of view) part 1

September 23, 2009
By Amer-Nae PLATINUM, Maynard, Arkansas
Amer-Nae PLATINUM, Maynard, Arkansas
29 articles 0 photos 23 comments

Favorite Quote:
Why try to fit in when you were born to stand out?

I noticed that I wasn't by myself anymore. I turned and there was a bare chest there. I tilted my head to see Jacob. I only smiled. His hair had grown out some and was able to put it in a small ponytail. His eyes were so brown and beautiful. Of course you all know what Jacob looks like. If you don't know who I am. My name is Renesmee Cullen. I'm 16 years old. My hair is bronze and wavy. My eyes chocolate brown. My skin pale and I'm slimmer than most girls my age....Oh, right. Jake was staring at me in a strange way that he hadn't before. Dad says that is the same way that he looks at mom...I just rolled my eyes until now. I couldn't look away from him. Jacob slowly wipped the falling tears from my face. I gave him a sad smile.

"Nessie, please stop crying I hate when you cry." I hugged him. I felt his lips press to the top of my head.

"I'm sorry that I yelled at you. I didn't mean to I just got so upset."

"I'm not mad at you. I could never be mad...Actusally I kind of liked that you yelled at me." I pulled away and looked at him. He was wearing that cocky smile of his.

"Your not funny Jacob Black." I whispered. But it only sent him into a round of laughter. I tuck my tounge out at him.

"I think I am funny." Without saying anything else he placed his hand under my chin and lifted my head. He was getting closer to face face than ususal. I bite my lower lip hoping that He wasn't going to do what I thought he was.

"Jacob Black if I were you I would step away from my daughter." It was my father. I knew that my face my crimson red. There was no way that this day could get any worse than it was now.....

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This article has 34 comments.

on Oct. 11 2018 at 2:00 pm
Hermione-Granger BRONZE, Bethel Park, Pennsylvania
4 articles 0 photos 198 comments
Oh this was great! Jacob needs to watch his back!

on Jun. 2 2016 at 1:05 pm
FallenAngel11283 PLATINUM, Cincinnati , Ohio
20 articles 1 photo 25 comments
Oh hun I love this, I'm a huge fan of the Twilight Series you need to continue this story please!

Legumes said...
on Dec. 30 2011 at 11:27 pm
Legumes, Germantown, Tennessee
0 articles 0 photos 29 comments
Edward is funny.

on Dec. 21 2011 at 1:40 pm
AlanaJade1206 BRONZE, Fishers, Indiana
1 article 0 photos 1 comment

on Nov. 16 2011 at 5:26 pm
katiedidnothin BRONZE, Sweet Home, Oregon
1 article 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
"Writing is easy. All you do is stare at a blank sheet of paper until drops of blood form on your forehead."-Gene Fowler

Nice story, need to check spell check though. Just giving some helpful feedback.

on Sep. 12 2011 at 9:43 pm
MidnightNow1127 GOLD, Brentwood, California
12 articles 0 photos 46 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Christus nos liberavit!"

Ouch. Jacob Black, I'd watch your back... Nice job.

on Jul. 29 2011 at 10:02 am
Tongue_Blep PLATINUM, ????, Ohio
40 articles 1 photo 769 comments
Nice story! keep writing!It was really funny! if anyone could go check out and post comments on my new article time, not space. That would be great! :) just click my user name! :)(:

on May. 2 2011 at 8:48 pm
RChander BRONZE, Barrington, Rhode Island
1 article 0 photos 13 comments
Nice start and interesting concept, however the story seems kinda vague. You should elaborate further, but not bad!

on Mar. 30 2011 at 8:44 am
CrystalMarie GOLD, Steubenville, Ohio
16 articles 0 photos 40 comments

wow this made me laugh. I hope you have written more like this.


on Feb. 25 2011 at 1:41 pm
AlexisNicole94 BRONZE, Easley, South Carolina
1 article 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
I am not an actress. Actresses can only play women. I am an actor. I can play anything.

- Whoopi Goldberg

I really enjoyed reading this. I love how you did this in Nessie's point of view and you did it very well. :) Hope to read more.

on Jan. 19 2011 at 1:47 pm
JordyRaye15 BRONZE, Buckhannon, West Virginia
3 articles 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Live not by how many moments you breathe, but the moments that take your breath away."

Make sure you look at sentence structure and grammatical errors. It was good, but I am wondering why Jacob was yelled at, and why she doesn't want kissed by him if they are meant to be together? Other than that great start!!

Annie12 BRONZE said...
on Dec. 21 2010 at 12:52 am
Annie12 BRONZE, Washington
1 article 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
If you want to read a book that has not been written, you much write it."

I thought it was okay, you know? But the sentence structures could probably vary a little bit. Also, I agree that it's not very interesting to have someone just list characteristics. I think that this also sounds like and excert. 

on Nov. 29 2010 at 11:09 am
MysteryHeart GOLD, Thorold, Other
14 articles 0 photos 60 comments

Favorite Quote:
Usted es especial! AKWARD!!! (in an opera like voice), ohhh fasha', what the huh?,who in the name of what?, sanity now!

i totally agree

on Oct. 16 2010 at 12:36 pm
xprezzionstar BRONZE, Jeffersonville, Kentucky
3 articles 0 photos 57 comments

Favorite Quote:
All it takes it 20 seconds of insane courage and I promise you, something amazing will happen

Great start but it needs to be a little more informing. why did she yell at Jacob? does she honsetly want him NOT to kiss her? how was the day already bad? and what happens between her Dad and Jacob? im full of questions and wondering whats going to happen. realy needs to continue.  

Elisabeth GOLD said...
on Sep. 24 2010 at 9:36 pm
Elisabeth GOLD, Nottingham, New Hampshire
10 articles 0 photos 23 comments

Favorite Quote:
"A true friend is hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget."

Its okay. Like the other said it really starts about a rough point and ends the same way. The sentences are choppy and if you want to describe her, trying using something more intriguing like "I looked up at Jacob, my chocolate brown eyes filled with tear, and my wavy bronze hair wet from earlier tears."

on Sep. 2 2010 at 4:49 pm
DiamondsIntheGrass GOLD, Martinsville, New Jersey
14 articles 1 photo 278 comments

Favorite Quote:
Worry is simply a misuse of the imagination.

interesting... i would read more.

but i have to point out some things. there needs to be a little variation in sentence structure, and it sort of gets boring if you just list out charictaristics.  and it seemed really abrupt and sudden in some places. like, she smiles, and then is crying, and then jacob tries to kiss her?

but overall, cool.

on Aug. 5 2010 at 12:05 pm
Amer-Nae PLATINUM, Maynard, Arkansas
29 articles 0 photos 23 comments

Favorite Quote:
Why try to fit in when you were born to stand out?

thats not why I put it like that...Edward might be ok with the imprinting but, it is still HIS daughter..and all dad's can be like that with their only daughters and not to mention Edward can read thoughts...

on Jul. 29 2010 at 7:37 am
OfficialApprover PLATINUM, Orefield, Pennsylvania
48 articles 0 photos 1752 comments

Favorite Quote:
Grab life by the balls. -Slobberknocker
We cannot change the cards we're dealt just how we play the hand
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted
It's pretty easy to be smart when you're parroting smart people
-Randy Pausch

OK, this was a very intriguing story, and I would certainly read more, but I agree that this doesn't seem like a first chapter.  And Edward is OK with the imprinting now--it's no big deal to him.

on Jun. 28 2010 at 11:46 pm
Robsessed PLATINUM, McKinney, Texas
23 articles 1 photo 199 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I may be changed by what happens to me, but I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

"Did you know 'I told you so' has a brother, Jacob?" she asked cutting me off. "His name is 'Shut the hell up.'" - Bella Swan, Breaking Dawn

Well, it doesn't seem like a first chapter, but more of an excerpt that would appear on the jacket of a book sleeve. With that said, it's not bad for the length you made it. There are a lot of grammar mistakes. Make sure you proof read at least 2 and maybe have someone else read it too. Suggestion: when you have characters having a conversation make sure the reader can tell who is saying what. I was confused at first who said, "I'm sorry that I yelled at you..."

If this is supposed to be a continuation, you've changed character attitudes a bit too much. For instance, the imprinting thing makes Jake want to always please Renesme and she wouldn't ever really have a reason to be angry with him (although as a member of Team Edward I can certainly understand why she could be). 

For those who mentioned that Edward ended up being okay with everything: Edward may have accepted the imprinting thing, but it doesn't me he has to like it.  Personally, I think it would have been Bella who would have said step away from my daughter.

However, if this isn't meant to be a strict continuation then I hope the following chapters have a bit more detail and explanations behind character behaviors.

on Jun. 23 2010 at 5:25 pm
joywriter18 BRONZE, Long Grove, Illinois
4 articles 0 photos 10 comments

Favorite Quote:
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" - Elenaor Roosevelt

not very well written, and is confusing for a part one.  also, everyone's out of character.  aren't they madly in love?  and last i checked, edward was cool with the imprinting.  keep practicing.