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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes

September 26, 2009
By LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
More by this author
LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
90% of my happiness is coming from my pants. <br /> <br /> Alright, alright, sorry, inside joke. Okay how about: &quot;If you give a man a fire, he&#039;ll be warm for a day; if you set a man on fire, he&#039;ll be warm for the rest of his life.&quot; -Terry Pratchett.

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[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.

The author's comments:
Don't flame, dudes. That's seriously lame. Feel free to film, just credit me in the credits and let me know if you're making a movie so I can check it out.
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This article has 1985 comments.

BlackFTW said...
on Jun. 30 2012 at 1:27 pm
BlackFTW, Seattle, Washington
0 articles 0 photos 9 comments

Favorite Quote:
Everything I say is a lie.

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Eh, I've seen Youtube videos of these, so credits
JustTryAndCatchMe. BRONZE said...
on Jun. 30 2012 at 9:17 am
JustTryAndCatchMe. BRONZE, Fredericktown, Ohio
1 article 0 photos 16 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Und ich will nicht die Welt um mich zu sehen denn ich glaube nicht, dass sie w&uuml;rden understand.When alles gemacht hat, gebrochen zu werden, ich m&ouml;chte nur, dass Sie wissen, wer ich bin.&quot; Goo Goo Dolls

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This has got to be the single most hilarious thing I have ever read! Props!!
albinotiger GOLD said...
on Jun. 25 2012 at 10:31 am
albinotiger GOLD, Gloucester, Massachusetts
13 articles 0 photos 186 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Monsters are real, and ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win&quot;- Stephen King<br /> &ldquo;In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate&rdquo;- Isaac Asimov

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do u know how many hours i wasted reading the books when i could of read this!!
RileyMo said...
on Jun. 24 2012 at 9:39 am
Ha! I love this! No one realizes that all Twilight is, is a creepy love story! This really was a day maker for me!! 
Elizamere BRONZE said...
on Jun. 23 2012 at 12:39 pm
Elizamere BRONZE, Roseville, California
1 article 0 photos 11 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I reject your reality and substitute my own.&quot;- Mythbusters

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Just about the best thing ever! I think I just died!
earthhashope said...
on Jun. 8 2012 at 7:05 am

So very true!!!!!

:) :)

Filero BRONZE said...
on Jun. 8 2012 at 4:38 am
Filero BRONZE, Greeley, Colorado
1 article 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
Do or Die

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hahaha'd the whole time XD Make 1 of the hunger games?
PeaceAndLove98 said...
on Jun. 7 2012 at 7:47 am
Lol that was hilarious. Awesome job! XD
ToraNoKage SILVER said...
on Jun. 5 2012 at 11:55 am
ToraNoKage SILVER, Unavailable, Other
5 articles 2 photos 28 comments

Favorite Quote:
Vision without action is a daydream. Action without vision is a nightmare.

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Haha that was amazing!
nebraskagirl2178 SILVER said...
on May. 31 2012 at 7:59 am
nebraskagirl2178 SILVER, Cresco, Iowa
8 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
Hope is a waking dream.~Aristotle

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Best. Thing. Ever!!!!!!!!!!!!That is hilarious on sooo many levels!!!!!!!!
Kendall Burge BRONZE said...
on May. 28 2012 at 9:00 pm
Kendall Burge BRONZE, Cleburne, Texas
2 articles 0 photos 1 comment
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I think I love you. That was the best Twighlight story I have ever read and I respect you SO much!
readerwriter13 GOLD said...
on May. 28 2012 at 2:10 pm
readerwriter13 GOLD, Metamora, Michigan
16 articles 0 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life is to short to even care at all<br /> Life is about those now or never moments

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This is great! Its so funny! Awesome job! Do more!
AngelaAxelson GOLD said...
on May. 27 2012 at 10:32 am
AngelaAxelson GOLD, Littleton, Colorado
12 articles 11 photos 20 comments

Favorite Quote:
&ldquo;Every day, think as you wake up, today I am fortunate to be alive, I have a precious human life, I am not going to waste it. I am going to use all my energies to develop myself, to expand my heart out to others; to achieve enlightenment for the benefit of all beings. I am going to have kind thoughts towards others, I am not going to get angry or think badly about others. I am going to benefit others as much as I can.&rdquo;<br /> <br /> <br /> ― Dalai Lama XIV

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Hilarious! You have to do more with this.
nemish23 BRONZE said...
on May. 27 2012 at 3:54 am
nemish23 BRONZE, Sydney, Other
2 articles 0 photos 110 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;The happiest people don&#039;t necessarily have the best of everything;<br /> They just make the most of everything they have.&quot;<br /> <br /> &quot;Today is life. The only life we&#039;re sure of. Make the most of today.&quot; -CSI:NY

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That was possibly the funniest thing I've ever read in my life!!!!!!!!

I love it, it's amazing. LOL.

EmoArtista BRONZE said...
on May. 17 2012 at 8:28 pm
EmoArtista BRONZE, Flint, Michigan
1 article 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
&quot; No matter how much you want me to.....I will not change for anyone&quot;

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This was HILARIOUS!!! You should make a trailer out of this
Darbs1325 GOLD said...
on May. 17 2012 at 8:01 pm
Darbs1325 GOLD, Columbus, Georgia
15 articles 0 photos 22 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life is a reflection of intent....love reflects love....hate reflects hate....-Jonathan Lockwood Huie<br /> <br /> When the world puts you down, keep your head up!-Anonymous?

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HAHAHAHAHA!!!! XD!!!! wow!!! I was about off my chair laughing!!!! XD
SamsQ GOLD said...
on May. 17 2012 at 6:07 pm
SamsQ GOLD, Naperville, Illinois
11 articles 75 photos 62 comments

Favorite Quote:
&ldquo;Happiness can be found in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.&rdquo; - Albus Dumbledore

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lols that totally hilarious and a perfect understanding about what happened. I'd love to see it as a play or video or whatever. Anyways its awesome :)
CelticsAllDayWilson25 BRONZE said...
on May. 17 2012 at 2:26 pm
CelticsAllDayWilson25 BRONZE, Whitney, Texas
1 article 0 photos 16 comments

Favorite Quote:
I call it how I see it with my glasses on &quot;Lil Wayne&quot;

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when

 

CelticsAllDayWilson25 BRONZE said...
on May. 17 2012 at 2:24 pm
CelticsAllDayWilson25 BRONZE, Whitney, Texas
1 article 0 photos 16 comments

Favorite Quote:
I call it how I see it with my glasses on &quot;Lil Wayne&quot;

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hey my mom likes these so i have to watch them a lot
TheDoubtMachine BRONZE said...
on May. 17 2012 at 12:36 pm
TheDoubtMachine BRONZE, Mumbai, Other
4 articles 1 photo 10 comments
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Hilarious!!