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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes

September 26, 2009
By LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
More by this author
LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
90% of my happiness is coming from my pants. <br /> <br /> Alright, alright, sorry, inside joke. Okay how about: &quot;If you give a man a fire, he&#039;ll be warm for a day; if you set a man on fire, he&#039;ll be warm for the rest of his life.&quot; -Terry Pratchett.

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[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.

The author's comments:
Don't flame, dudes. That's seriously lame. Feel free to film, just credit me in the credits and let me know if you're making a movie so I can check it out.
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 1986 comments.

WolfieDW BRONZE said...
on Jan. 10 2020 at 12:49 pm
WolfieDW BRONZE, Mountain View, California
1 article 0 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If my life was to be just a single note in an endless symphony, how could I not sound it out for as long and as loudly as I could?" - Lauren Wolk, Wolf Hollow

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I laughed so hard! "JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi? EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic." ;D ;P
thisaintit said...
on Sep. 17 2019 at 7:45 am
thisaintit, Atlanta, Georgia
0 articles 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
it surprised me, how long i was willing to wait for something that was only a possibility

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@avathebooknerd my aunt is naming her unborn child mosirah so...ig its a free world XD
KayLai said...
on Aug. 2 2019 at 12:54 pm
KayLai, Eugene, Oregon
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
either do it right, or dont do it at all

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9:54 am. Tries not to burst into laughter and wake up moody older sister. But yes, this is amazing
Lilycook212 BRONZE said...
on Jun. 4 2019 at 8:41 am
Lilycook212 BRONZE, New Castle, Delaware
1 article 0 photos 1 comment
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I found this very funny and interesting to read.
My_Author said...
on May. 14 2019 at 6:17 pm
My_Author, No, Oklahoma
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Favorite Quote:
Hey there beautiful. Remember, be yourself.

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Can't say how true this is XD
Word_Addict said...
on May. 1 2019 at 11:12 am
Word_Addict, Weston, Massachusetts
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Sarcasm (sahr-kaz-uhm)<br /> [noun]<br /> 1. The body’s natural defense against the less intelligent<br /> 2. A sharply ironical taunt; sneering or cutting remark<br /> Ex: “Is your car stuck in the mud?”<br /> “No. No, of course not. I’m just practicing how to spray mud using my tires.”

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*wipes tear from eye* poetry.
Maddie_Cheshire SILVER said...
on Apr. 18 2019 at 1:53 pm
Maddie_Cheshire SILVER, London, Other
6 articles 2 photos 12 comments

Favorite Quote:
I'm not crazy. My reality is just different from yours. ~The Cheshire Cat

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I haven't read the actual series, but my suspicions have been confirmed.
This is one of the most beautiful pieces of writing that has ever come out of sparkly skinned vampirical fiction.
XD
Maddie_Cheshire SILVER said...
on Apr. 18 2019 at 1:53 pm
Maddie_Cheshire SILVER, London, Other
6 articles 2 photos 12 comments

Favorite Quote:
I'm not crazy. My reality is just different from yours. ~The Cheshire Cat

View profile
I haven't read the actual series, but my suspicions have been confirmed.
This is one of the most beautiful pieces of writing that has ever come out of sparkly skinned vampirical fiction.
XD
Maddie_Cheshire SILVER said...
on Apr. 18 2019 at 1:53 pm
Maddie_Cheshire SILVER, London, Other
6 articles 2 photos 12 comments

Favorite Quote:
I'm not crazy. My reality is just different from yours. ~The Cheshire Cat

View profile
I haven't read the actual series, but my suspicions have been confirmed.
This is one of the most beautiful pieces of writing that has ever come out of sparkly skinned vampirical fiction.
XD
Maddie_Cheshire SILVER said...
on Apr. 18 2019 at 1:53 pm
Maddie_Cheshire SILVER, London, Other
6 articles 2 photos 12 comments

Favorite Quote:
I'm not crazy. My reality is just different from yours. ~The Cheshire Cat

View profile
I haven't read the actual series, but my suspicions have been confirmed.
This is one of the most beautiful pieces of writing that has ever come out of sparkly skinned vampirical fiction.
XD
Maddie_Cheshire SILVER said...
on Apr. 18 2019 at 1:53 pm
Maddie_Cheshire SILVER, London, Other
6 articles 2 photos 12 comments

Favorite Quote:
I'm not crazy. My reality is just different from yours. ~The Cheshire Cat

View profile
I haven't read the actual series, but my suspicions have been confirmed.
This is one of the most beautiful pieces of writing that has ever come out of sparkly skinned vampirical fiction.
XD
Emotional_Mistake said...
on Apr. 8 2019 at 10:24 am
Emotional_Mistake, Sylva, North Carolina
0 articles 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I'm a sunflower a little funny. If I were a rose maybe you'd want me."<br /> -I'm a sunflower.<br /> <br /> (Song lyrics not a quote)

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Omg Yes. I loved Twilight before but this just made it ten times better
iamcloudyeyes SILVER said...
on Mar. 18 2019 at 2:42 pm
iamcloudyeyes SILVER, Spokane Valley, Washington
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Favorite Quote:
we are like human beings<br /> used to be before they became<br /> too civilized to enjoy themselves<br /> - Don Marquis, The Lesson of the Moth

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"my eggo...."
iamcloudyeyes SILVER said...
on Mar. 18 2019 at 2:40 pm
iamcloudyeyes SILVER, Spokane Valley, Washington
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Favorite Quote:
we are like human beings<br /> used to be before they became<br /> too civilized to enjoy themselves<br /> - Don Marquis, The Lesson of the Moth

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"my eggo is prego"
Avathebooknerd BRONZE said...
on Mar. 11 2019 at 5:38 pm
Avathebooknerd BRONZE, Cortland, Ohio
1 article 0 photos 6 comments

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“Our fate lies within us you just have to be brave enough to see it” -Merida, Brave

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Who names their child Renesme? Sorry if i've offended anyone.
TKS SILVER said...
on Feb. 19 2019 at 10:17 am
TKS SILVER, Christiansburg, Virginia
6 articles 2 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
Subscribe to Pewdiepie

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Might I say......
Still a better love story than Twilight.
Kittensdamittens SILVER said...
on Feb. 6 2019 at 8:26 am
Kittensdamittens SILVER, York, Pennsylvania
8 articles 7 photos 13 comments
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Thank you, this is amazing
NetherKing5555 said...
on Dec. 17 2018 at 8:30 am
NetherKing5555, Hazard, Kentucky
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"Do or do not, there is no try." -Yoda

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Pretty much sums the story up.
GreenSoda said...
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GreenSoda, Jeffersonville, Indiana
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What did I just read XD
thatonegirl136 said...
on Nov. 1 2018 at 2:17 pm
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Haha this was funny.