The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes | Teen Ink

The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes

September 26, 2009
By LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
90% of my happiness is coming from my pants.

Alright, alright, sorry, inside joke. Okay how about: "If you give a man a fire, he'll be warm for a day; if you set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life." -Terry Pratchett.


[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.

The author's comments:
Don't flame, dudes. That's seriously lame. Feel free to film, just credit me in the credits and let me know if you're making a movie so I can check it out.

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This article has 1985 comments.


on May. 13 2011 at 9:09 am
Vacilator BRONZE, Merritt Island, Florida
4 articles 2 photos 96 comments

Favorite Quote:
No cup of tea is large enough, or book long enough, to suit me.
-C.S. Lewis

I would assume from how you wrote this you are not a fan of the Twilight series.

...

ROCK ON!  THIS IS AWESOME!!!


TwiBaby said...
on May. 12 2011 at 2:02 pm
TwiBaby, Milwaukee, Wisconsin
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment
As much as I love..... Twilight, I have to say that is pretty funny!

on May. 12 2011 at 12:19 pm
LilyPotter BRONZE, Edmonton, Other
1 article 0 photos 8 comments
Please, PLEASE do more. LMFAO

depulso said...
on May. 10 2011 at 2:48 pm
depulso, Brussels, Belgium ;), Other
0 articles 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The moment had passed, the door between the lives we could have led and the lives we led had shut in our faces."
— Nicole Krauss, The History of Love

"Yes, I was infatuated with you; I am still. No one has ever heightened such a keen capacity of physical sensation in me. I cut you out because I couldn’t stand being a passing fancy. Before I give my body, I must give my thoughts, my mind, my dreams. And you weren’t having any of those."
— Sylvia Plath

I honestly didn't think it was all that funny but it was good, considering Twilight has absolutely no storyline and this just about summed it up in two minutes.

Haha good job


Meko8195 said...
on May. 10 2011 at 10:26 am
Meko8195, Dover, Pennsylvania
0 articles 4 photos 96 comments

Favorite Quote:
The pressure makes us stronger, the struggle makes us hunger; the hard lessons make the difference...and the difference makes it worth it.

>;) yup yup

on May. 10 2011 at 9:52 am
Cosgrove BRONZE, Dover, Pennsylvania
1 article 3 photos 15 comments

Favorite Quote:
"People only hate what they see in themselves"

Pssst pssst hey, I know you too >:D

on May. 10 2011 at 6:31 am
singergurl12 GOLD, Jacksonville, Florida
15 articles 0 photos 190 comments

Favorite Quote:
Fairy tales are true, not because they tell us dragons exist, but because they tell us dragons can be beaten.

(LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!)

on May. 9 2011 at 9:56 pm
RainyWriter GOLD, Redmond, Washington
14 articles 0 photos 41 comments

Favorite Quote:
Only the smart, talented, amazing, and insane are remembered in history.

I've seen the title of this advertised everywhere on the site and I wondered why everyone loved it so much.

Now I understand. OMG, that was SOOOO funny and SOOO true! Ahahahaha, much better than Vampires Suck if you ask me. I am going to petition for someone to do this for a play at the high school one day. Bravo!


on May. 9 2011 at 7:25 pm

(*same person as Untwilight :P)

I like it, actually! :) I was just pointing out that the main reason that none of the fan fiction gets in the magazine is the copyright issues. I know this because my dad teaches copyright law and it tends to infiltrate your brain under such circumstances. O_O


jamikim BRONZE said...
on May. 9 2011 at 6:06 pm
jamikim BRONZE, Sterling, Illinois
2 articles 1 photo 23 comments

Favorite Quote:
the only thing holding yourself back is you.

this was hilarious :) lmao!

Meko8195 said...
on May. 9 2011 at 10:11 am
Meko8195, Dover, Pennsylvania
0 articles 4 photos 96 comments

Favorite Quote:
The pressure makes us stronger, the struggle makes us hunger; the hard lessons make the difference...and the difference makes it worth it.

and dont freak out people. i know this girl :)

Meko8195 said...
on May. 9 2011 at 10:10 am
Meko8195, Dover, Pennsylvania
0 articles 4 photos 96 comments

Favorite Quote:
The pressure makes us stronger, the struggle makes us hunger; the hard lessons make the difference...and the difference makes it worth it.

HEY COSGROVE I LOVE YOU!

Meko8195 said...
on May. 9 2011 at 10:10 am
Meko8195, Dover, Pennsylvania
0 articles 4 photos 96 comments

Favorite Quote:
The pressure makes us stronger, the struggle makes us hunger; the hard lessons make the difference...and the difference makes it worth it.

I didnt enjoy the movie...and the books were "okay" .....BUT THIS! this was film worthy. totally awsome and i wouldnt diss on this "too" much. YOU clicked on the link lol.

on May. 9 2011 at 10:08 am
Cosgrove BRONZE, Dover, Pennsylvania
1 article 3 photos 15 comments

Favorite Quote:
"People only hate what they see in themselves"

I must say, this is freakin hilarious >:D

Meko8195 said...
on May. 9 2011 at 10:07 am
Meko8195, Dover, Pennsylvania
0 articles 4 photos 96 comments

Favorite Quote:
The pressure makes us stronger, the struggle makes us hunger; the hard lessons make the difference...and the difference makes it worth it.

LOL my eggo is preggo! i love it :D

on May. 9 2011 at 6:49 am
Marina_V.S. BRONZE, Weybridge, Random Island, Other
2 articles 0 photos 9 comments

Favorite Quote:
Ah, I'm one of those weird people who goes through their note books just to read the quotes, so finding a fav is hard for me... 'There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it' - Mary Little ;)

Harsh, but true ;)  this is really creative and funny, good job :)

KCayla GOLD said...
on May. 9 2011 at 6:12 am
KCayla GOLD, Stillwater, New York
12 articles 2 photos 48 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I brought a cupcake, and I brought Apollo" - My Best friend, implying that I was like Apollo :D

Nice. That is really funny. I'm a Twilight fan but, I love reading about people making fun of it. Nice job. :)

koda_ki said...
on May. 8 2011 at 11:52 pm
koda_ki, Grafton, Other
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment
So funny, read it in history when meant to be working cracked up laughing!Good work :D

on May. 5 2011 at 5:27 pm
BreeKlineShwester BRONZE, Renton, Washington
2 articles 9 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
And in that prison cage may be only you, but since shadows lurked its only true to assume, but I may have been the darkness or I could've been the guard, could've been most anything in that dark room. but that fear would drive many insane, so I stay as the shadow, because even as the smoke from a candle twists and turns up and up into a wisp it never leave, only disappears, but as those eyes may not hide, there is something behinds those other eyes, and pain and grief is flooding in once you see secrets within that deep silent glare. but in this time I do see, I and the darkness made flesh, cause if that darkness is over used and over thrown, it needs something else to hide its secrets, to hide its pain, and while it does not help me, I understand what it is to let free, and now I am the darkness I never meant to be in that safe dark cell, was ONLY me

I'm with you, this is making my dark day much lighter.

on May. 5 2011 at 5:01 pm
Ninja_Writer BRONZE, Western Springs, Illinois
3 articles 0 photos 27 comments
Hahahaha... he pulls out a gun and shoots her-- good job, very funny.