The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes | Teen Ink
  1. Home
  2. Fiction
  3. Fan Fiction
  4. The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes

The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes

September 26, 2009
By LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
More by this author
LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
90% of my happiness is coming from my pants. <br /> <br /> Alright, alright, sorry, inside joke. Okay how about: &quot;If you give a man a fire, he&#039;ll be warm for a day; if you set a man on fire, he&#039;ll be warm for the rest of his life.&quot; -Terry Pratchett.

View profile

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.

The author's comments:
Don't flame, dudes. That's seriously lame. Feel free to film, just credit me in the credits and let me know if you're making a movie so I can check it out.
Post a comment
Submit your own

Similar Articles

Previous Next
Fiction
Snow White
By Anonymous
Fiction
I'd Walk A Thousand Miles
By GraceGallows PLATINUM
Plainville, Massachusetts
GraceGallows PLATINUM, Plainville, Massachusetts
41 articles 32 photos 13 comments
View profile
Fiction
Kingdomhearst Fan Fic Another Chance, Another heart
By Anonymous
Fiction
5th Twilight: Glistening Sin (Renesmee's Story) Chapter 2
By dkA.M SILVER
Vail, Arizona
dkA.M SILVER, Vail, Arizona
8 articles 0 photos 87 comments
View profile
Fiction
The White Rabbit Wonders...
By XTwistedAliceX SILVER
Etobicoke, Other
XTwistedAliceX SILVER, Etobicoke, Other
6 articles 1 photo 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
Live. Love. Laugh.

View profile
Fiction
The Flames of This World
By DomClaudeFrollo GOLD
Greenville, North Carolina
DomClaudeFrollo GOLD, Greenville, North Carolina
10 articles 1 photo 8 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I can&#039;t help being a gorgeous fiend... it&#039;s just the card I drew.&quot; <br /> ~ Lestat

View profile

JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 1986 comments.

falling_star DIAMOND said...
on Jul. 27 2010 at 3:17 pm
falling_star DIAMOND, Stafford, Virginia
52 articles 0 photos 13 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;This sh-t writes itself.&quot; --William Shakespere

View profile

Epic. Win.

I love this. Maybe I'll film this... xD

whispersofthenight GOLD said...
on Jul. 27 2010 at 2:40 pm
whispersofthenight GOLD, Tallahassee, Florida
10 articles 2 photos 35 comments

Favorite Quote:
I am an artist; I paint with words.

View profile
Hahaha, this is hilarious!! XD
NikitaBliss PLATINUM said...
on Jul. 27 2010 at 12:34 pm
NikitaBliss PLATINUM, Galion, Ohio
21 articles 0 photos 26 comments

Favorite Quote:
The more you wait, the more it sucks.

View profile
Haha, It is pretty good. ^^
ForeverWonderland BRONZE said...
on Jul. 27 2010 at 12:13 pm
ForeverWonderland BRONZE, Tallahassee, Florida
2 articles 0 photos 53 comments

Favorite Quote:
Cross me, and the protagonist dies. ...Then again, they probably will anyway.

View profile

OMG LOL! I LOVE THIS! XD You. Are. A. Genius. I honestly hate Twilight; I liked it at first, but now it just REALLY irks me.

Thank you for making my day :)

KourtneyBriann BRONZE said...
on Jul. 27 2010 at 11:30 am
KourtneyBriann BRONZE, Niles, Michigan
1 article 0 photos 90 comments
View profile
OMV!!! LOL BIG TIME! This is soooo funny. Can't stop laughing. Ur great GRRLLLLLLLLLL. I love the twists too like the shooting and the dance off. :) :) :) :) :) LOL LOL LOL HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Wordart SILVER said...
on Jul. 27 2010 at 2:51 am
Wordart SILVER, Arvada, Colorado
9 articles 0 photos 18 comments

Favorite Quote:
Hate is forgotten love.<br /> <br /> Paranoya is the brute strength of fear.<br /> <br /> Gum is sticky, like time.

View profile

I read a the first few capters of twilite...

Boring!  Thank you for the intrepretation!

J.A.M. SILVER said...
on Jul. 27 2010 at 12:07 am
J.A.M. SILVER, Lacey, Washington
6 articles 0 photos 12 comments
View profile
This was hilarious! bravo. I could have saved so much time reading this instead of those books.
deus-ex-machina14 BRONZE said...
on Jul. 26 2010 at 9:10 pm
deus-ex-machina14 BRONZE, Stewartsville, New Jersey
1 article 0 photos 439 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;There are two main tragedies in life. One is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.&quot; -Oscar Wilde

View profile
OMG that hilarious!!!
TheGoldenDomination SILVER said...
on Jul. 26 2010 at 6:13 pm
TheGoldenDomination SILVER, Fort Dodge, Iowa
9 articles 4 photos 36 comments

Favorite Quote:
I&#039;m not going to change the way I look or the way I feel to conform to anything. I&#039;ve always been a freak. So I&#039;ve been a freak all my life and I have to live with that, you know. I&#039;m one of those people.<br /> ~John Lennon

View profile
omfg hahahahhahah XD that was amazing. hahah loved it.
Rock_Starr96 BRONZE said...
on Jul. 25 2010 at 2:55 am
Rock_Starr96 BRONZE, Somewhere, California
1 article 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Growing older is mandatory, growing up is an option.&quot; - Heather Brewer

View profile
omg this is even better than the real twilight jkjkjk :D
Eatfoodzap SILVER said...
on Jul. 24 2010 at 11:36 pm
Eatfoodzap SILVER, Winchester, Massachusetts
5 articles 2 photos 24 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. But if you can overcome the sacrifice and make it your own, you will gain an irreplaceable Fullmetal heart.&quot;- Edward Elric

View profile

Bahahah. This touches on all the over-dramatic, silly, "WTF-factor" parts of Twilight, cutting out the 2,000-odd pages of pointless fluff.

THIS=EPIC WIN. XD

DiamondsIntheGrass GOLD said...
on Jul. 24 2010 at 12:53 pm
DiamondsIntheGrass GOLD, Martinsville, New Jersey
14 articles 1 photo 278 comments

Favorite Quote:
Worry is simply a misuse of the imagination.

View profile
hilarious.  ive got to admit that im not a huge fan of twilight, and sometimes i think its just so overdramatic that its laghable.  just like this.  great job!
KICK3593 PLATINUM said...
on Jul. 23 2010 at 11:13 pm
KICK3593 PLATINUM, Roslyn Heights, New York
49 articles 0 photos 74 comments
View profile
Sorry, correction. This IS awfully Satisfying!
KICK3593 PLATINUM said...
on Jul. 23 2010 at 11:12 pm
KICK3593 PLATINUM, Roslyn Heights, New York
49 articles 0 photos 74 comments
View profile
Oh my, this was awfully Satisfying!
his_country_girl SILVER said...
on Jul. 23 2010 at 2:52 pm
his_country_girl SILVER, Goshen, Indiana
8 articles 0 photos 39 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Reality is almost always wrong.&quot;-House<br /> <br /> &quot;Don&#039;t worry when you feel something, worry when you don&#039;t.&quot;- SVU

View profile
this was great! i love twilight, but this was amazing. lol. =)
jward24895 SILVER said...
on Jul. 22 2010 at 9:35 pm
jward24895 SILVER, Montour Falls, New York
5 articles 0 photos 25 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I have noticed even people who claim everything is predestined, and that we can do nothing to change it, look before they cross the road.&rdquo; -Stephen Hawking

View profile
Hilarious! I LOVE it.
CloudWanderer BRONZE said...
on Jul. 22 2010 at 7:48 pm
CloudWanderer BRONZE, Wheelersburg, Ohio
2 articles 0 photos 55 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;We don&#039;t stop playing because we get old, we get old because we stop playing.&quot;<br /> <br /> &quot;Never lie, steal, cheat, or drink. But if you must lie, lie in the arms of your true love. If you must steal, steal from bad company. If you must cheat, cheat death. If you must drink, drink in the moments that take your breath away.&quot;

View profile
Listen i like twilight--at least the idea of twilight--but this made me L.O.L. I love this!
shalanda BRONZE said...
on Jul. 22 2010 at 11:13 am
shalanda BRONZE, Berwick, Louisiana
1 article 0 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
dont got one

View profile
 love twilight too and my sister would kill me if she knew i laughed at this lol i absolutely love twilight but this is hilarious
Jean said...
on Jul. 21 2010 at 6:36 pm
Totally and completely accurate. I'm glad somebody did this.
MustangWriter1813 PLATINUM said...
on Jul. 21 2010 at 12:34 pm
MustangWriter1813 PLATINUM, Crooks, South Dakota
45 articles 7 photos 128 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot; No one can told you back besides yourself &quot; MaKayla Claymore class of 2013

View profile

Im a big fan of twilight...but this makes me laugh!

Check out some of my stories, comment and rate them for me!