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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes

September 26, 2009
By LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
More by this author
LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
90% of my happiness is coming from my pants. <br /> <br /> Alright, alright, sorry, inside joke. Okay how about: &quot;If you give a man a fire, he&#039;ll be warm for a day; if you set a man on fire, he&#039;ll be warm for the rest of his life.&quot; -Terry Pratchett.

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[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.

The author's comments:
Don't flame, dudes. That's seriously lame. Feel free to film, just credit me in the credits and let me know if you're making a movie so I can check it out.
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 1986 comments.

LeahD GOLD said...
on Jul. 30 2010 at 11:21 pm
LeahD GOLD, Tepito, Other
16 articles 0 photos 9 comments

Favorite Quote:
If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent Him -Voltaire

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I am just going to start by saying WTF?! It has a little bit more to that, and you shouldn't mock things people love; you should always ask three things: is it true, is it fair, and is it necessary. While it may be true, it's not fair to the Twilight fans and definetly not necessary. Try thinking about what would you do if somebody critizied your work and something you loved. That being said.... it was hilarious!! It seriously made me laugh (even though I love Twilight) and it was just plain good. R.O.F.L.M.F.A.O.
TheNovaClytie PLATINUM said...
on Jul. 30 2010 at 4:18 pm
TheNovaClytie PLATINUM, Woodhaven, Michigan
30 articles 0 photos 63 comments

Favorite Quote:
If I could run away from my problems, I&#039;d probably get lost, and then new problems would find me.<br /> ~Shelby Seeley

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SOOO TRUE! AND I LOVE TWILIGHT! LMBO
LoEssie BRONZE said...
on Jul. 30 2010 at 11:28 am
LoEssie BRONZE, Freeport, New York
3 articles 0 photos 14 comments

Favorite Quote:
A room without books is like a body without a soul. I don&#039;t know who wrote that, it was just on an advertisement at my library. . . hahaha.

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I commented on this before, but my friend and I are seriously considering filming this. You should make more!
despurlock DIAMOND said...
on Jul. 29 2010 at 7:39 pm
despurlock DIAMOND, Morgantown, West Virginia
79 articles 0 photos 179 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;The heart has its reasons which reason does not know.&quot; -Pascal, Pensees, 1670

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LMAO I'm a Twilight fan but that was great! I love it! 5 stars :)
WhiteInk said...
on Jul. 29 2010 at 4:24 pm
WhiteInk, Fort Meade, Florida
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment
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Wow, that was halarious. xD Can't stop laughing.
NekoGirl810 SILVER said...
on Jul. 29 2010 at 3:18 am
NekoGirl810 SILVER, Bellingham, Washington
6 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;The opposite of love isn&#039;t hate, its indifference.&quot;

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even though i kinda liked the book i have to say

this was awesome, and so true

crubs33 DIAMOND said...
on Jul. 28 2010 at 11:30 pm
crubs33 DIAMOND, Lido Beach, New York
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&quot;The most courageous act is still to think for yourself. Aloud.&quot;- Coco Chanel<br /> Life isn&#039;t about surviving the storm, it&#039;s about learning to dance in the rain.

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Omg i love this!!! favorite!!!
Emeris SILVER said...
on Jul. 28 2010 at 11:13 pm
Emeris SILVER, Glenwood, Iowa
5 articles 11 photos 3 comments

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It&#039;s better to try and regret rather than regret not trying at all :/

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HAHAHA!!! Omg, that was hilarious XD
superswim_19 PLATINUM said...
on Jul. 28 2010 at 4:28 pm
superswim_19 PLATINUM, Grand Haven, Michigan
21 articles 25 photos 143 comments
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Edward isn't a Vampire. He lives in the forest, he doesn't eat people, and he sparkles. He's obviously a Fairy.
ThatClarinetPerson SILVER said...
on Jul. 28 2010 at 1:25 pm
ThatClarinetPerson SILVER, Tequesta, Florida
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&quot;Life. Don&#039;t talk to me about life.&quot;<br /> ~Marvin the Paranoid Android (from the Hitchhiker&#039;s guide to the galaxy series)<br /> Statistical analysis suggests that i am probably in tune with someone<br /> (hahahahaha! I love this cause i&#039;m never ever ever in tune &gt;o

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i've said it once and i'll say it again: this is amazing!!!!!!!! :)
JS2992 said...
on Jul. 28 2010 at 2:11 am
JS2992, Schlierbach, Other
0 articles 0 photos 8 comments
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yeah, thats about it!
monpetitemouchou SILVER said...
on Jul. 28 2010 at 1:44 am
monpetitemouchou SILVER, Sydney, Other
5 articles 4 photos 17 comments

Favorite Quote:
Come with me, my love. To the sea, the sea of love. (8)

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LOVE IT! xD
Giovanni GOLD said...
on Jul. 27 2010 at 9:31 pm
Giovanni GOLD, Fredericksburg, Virginia
19 articles 0 photos 8 comments

Favorite Quote:
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Relax, we all do weird things, and therefore everyone has jokes told about them, or something they like, and therefore happiness is created among one group.  However by that point the other group is upset, so they can strike back (assuming that both groups are playing harmlessly like LucyM has done here), and therefore both groups are made happy as they strike back, and forth harmlessly, and if both sides enjoy the humor then it is even better, because then double the happiness is created.  The only problem is created when someone takes offense even though the mockery is harmless.  Therefore you should embrace the genuis that is humour.  However, if it just isn't your style of comedy then you can say that, rather than being Johny Raincloud, and complaining about how offensive it is.        
TheMalfunctioningWallflower BRONZE said...
on Jul. 27 2010 at 8:59 pm
TheMalfunctioningWallflower BRONZE, Houston, Texas
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I see nothing special or incredibly funny in this. It's mocking a book series and a lot of people worldwide.
Maria.Vela BRONZE said...
on Jul. 27 2010 at 8:21 pm
Maria.Vela BRONZE, Palmdale, California
2 articles 0 photos 1 comment

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Oh my gosh that was hilarious! You really seriously summed it up! lol
blue_ink GOLD said...
on Jul. 27 2010 at 6:16 pm
blue_ink GOLD, Downers Grove, Illinois
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Favorite Quote:
&quot;Reality is a state of mind&rdquo;

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bahaha hysterical! God, I could just picture it all. SHould be on SNL!!!!
AslanRox said...
on Jul. 27 2010 at 6:05 pm
omg this is hilarious! when does the movie come out? rofl
Alcanno DIAMOND said...
on Jul. 27 2010 at 5:56 pm
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Lmfao! This was sooo hilarious! Whether or not you are a fan of twilight is irrelevant - this is one of the funniest summaries I've ever read in my life. Wow. Still laughing here, keep up the great work!
1COR13 PLATINUM said...
on Jul. 27 2010 at 4:10 pm
1COR13 PLATINUM, Anchor Point, Alaska
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FOR THE WIN!! LOL
LastChapter said...
on Jul. 27 2010 at 3:30 pm
LastChapter, Hempstead, New York
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L.M.F.A.O. i would so watch this movie!