The World According To Loony Tunes | Teen Ink

The World According To Loony Tunes

August 2, 2010
By Imaginedangerous PLATINUM, Riverton, Utah
Imaginedangerous PLATINUM, Riverton, Utah
31 articles 0 photos 402 comments

A sampling of a few college courses in the Loony Tunes universe:

Acme is the only manufacturing company in the world.
The law of supply and demand: if someone demands an Acme product, it will be instantaneously supplied.
And… that’s pretty much it.

A villain never gives up. This would appear to be the product of short-term memory problems, or else they would learn from their mistakes.
The mind’s computing skills run on a time delay system of at least 2 seconds. This results in frequent double-takes.
Abruptly switching sides in an argument will always result in a villain’s destruction. (Person A: “Duck season!” Person B: “Rabbit season!” A: “Duck season!” B: “Rabbit season!” A: “Rabbit season!” B: “Duck season!”)

Snappy comebacks are natural and common.
Everything is taken literally. There are no idioms.
Only a basic reading level is necessary for survival- important words to know include TNT, DANGER- KEEP OUT, and FREE CARROTS.
If you don’t know how to read, you aren’t reading this, and that’s probably why you keep getting blown up/flattened/smashed/exploded.

Blinking is noisy.
Immortality is universal. Luck is not.
You assume the shape of everything you swallow.

Any dynamite, gunpowder, grenade, TNT, gasoline, nitroglycerin, or other combustible material will always eventually explode, ignite, or spontaneously combust. There are no duds.
If you find yourself in an enclosed, dark space, you are in (A) a tunnel with a train approaching, (B) a cannon. Exception: if you light a match to see, you are in a dynamite storage room.
Homemade catapults are very unreliable.
Everything will backfire if you’re the bad guy.

For every action, there is a greater and opposite reaction. Therefore, a cannonball will move three feet and the cannon ends up in Beijing.
Any piece of something will automatically act as a whole: a disconnected section of railway track will carry a train, a painting of a road will produce a car, or a Burmese tiger trap will come with a Burmese tiger.
The heaviest matter in the universe is that belonging to an anvil.
The equation for speed is BG2F= T, where BG represents the bad guy, 2F represents an excessive rate of movement, and T represents toast.
Exception to gravity: Occasionally, a piece of a whole that is intended to fall (such as a sawn-off tree branch, a cliff ledge you break off, or a wooden circle you saw out) will hang in midair while the surrounding items (the tree, the cliff, the stage) will drop away. This only applies, however, when the hero is standing on the small section.
All rules and/or laws are subject to change without notice.
Gravity does not apply until after you realize you are subject to it.

The author's comments:
What you learn from watching Roadrunner cartoons with your younger siblings. They just don't make 'em like they used to...

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This article has 26 comments.

on Sep. 15 2010 at 5:00 pm
Imaginedangerous PLATINUM, Riverton, Utah
31 articles 0 photos 402 comments
One of the many formatting glitches that happen sometimes when you submit work. Grrrr... :)

on Sep. 14 2010 at 10:54 pm
apocalyptigirl BRONZE, Staunton, Virginia
4 articles 2 photos 285 comments

Favorite Quote:
"DON'T PANIC." ~from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

Hahahaha, this is brilliant. Quirky and totally true, original topic = yay! Love it! The only wierd thing was why the numbers weren't lined up with the things they represented on the list...

on Aug. 27 2010 at 8:43 pm
Just.A.Dream SILVER, Lake Geneva, Wisconsin
7 articles 0 photos 430 comments

Favorite Quote:
Part of the J7X team. :)

LOL, so funny yet so true. :D Great writing topic!

on Aug. 19 2010 at 3:45 pm
CheshireCat PLATINUM, Paducah, Kentucky
47 articles 0 photos 29 comments

Favorite Quote:
We're all mad here

hahahahah still laughing and so true about the last one just hang middair while over the edge of a cliff until u look down and fall. Btw will u plz check out my work and comment

Strike_Eagle said...
on Aug. 17 2010 at 8:56 am
Strike_Eagle, Warm Springs, Virginia
0 articles 0 photos 33 comments
I love it!  There's a website that you would probably enjoy about if you search 'Cartoon laes of physics' on Google and click on the second link.

hrf1434 GOLD said...
on Aug. 13 2010 at 11:16 pm
hrf1434 GOLD, Collierville, Tennessee
10 articles 4 photos 66 comments

Favorite Quote:
Don't Judge a Girl by Her Cover

rotflol, very funny